today, I want to write about my biggest strength and fear: the concept of ambition
i would like to say i'm a fairly ambitious person at times; i rarely work as if i mean it because it's rarely required, but when i do really work, i work to match my standards; if a design project for designing a website is in a bad resolution ratio, i would use all night to remake all slides in 1920x1080 for all i care, even if it's the night before delivery date, just to match my standards, something i actually did
in that sense, ambition can work as a strength; it's a driving force to get people to do what's beyond expected, and i thought it was everything to it, but when my aunt came today, i realized ambition had more faces than one of strength
because of my grades, i would say i would get into most places; my plan was to get my Master's degree at the University of Oslo, just because it was closer to home, not once considering rankings or prestige, as I had thought the other master's degree I was considering had more of it than Oslo's
this wasn't told to brag, bur rather to follow up to the next point, as my aunt knew my grades, and asked me a question when she came here today: "why not study abroad?"
the face of fear within ambition takes form in losing yourself to temptation, gradually letting go of your own values all for the sake of, well, ambition; this question was the epitome of it, as i got tempted into looking into it, even just a small peek with my already established plan, until i saw
(i thought) i found out i could apply a world-class top university, ranked within the top 5 of all universities in the world
when i found out, i quickly put myself to action, seeing and imagining the pride and ambition, what i could become in comparison to if I went to Oslo, the grande scheme that I, of all people, would attend it, only checking if it was really possible lastly; even now, i'm not sure if it is or not, as the graphs and grade conversions are simply misleading and confusing, there is a chance i could, but there is a chance i can't, but by then, it was already too late, i had lost
my ambition lead me to forget about why I had planned to choose Oslo in the first place, why I chose Oslo over the assumed other university I thought had more "prestige", I forgot about family values and what I already had in store for me, just to pursue more, like a rat crawling to the top from his already well-established villa with endless food, i simply became blind to what existed in my world, and i even became blind to if it was possible
the fearful part of ambition is not being able to grab a hold of yourself again; i'm still considering both Oslo and this other university on equal measures, even though one throws away everything I stand for as a person for the sake of more, it's not a battle of rankings, but a battle of your heart; would you give it all away just for more power, or would you keep them, even if you were to sacrifice potential power?
to make it more video game related; it's not a battle of rankings, but a battle of what you want; would you bury it all and literally be vergil from dmc, or do you want to be kinda cool and hip + care about your family and be dante?
i really enjoyed writing this, so i'll be thinking about sending it as a reader post or something