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I'll be turning 30 before this year is over and i honestly can't handle it.

Never celebrated my birthday before because my parents never gave a shit.
Thought some years ago i could change that but then had my run in with all these shitty, abusive friends from my earlier posts.
Now im alone again and probably won't be doing anything for it.

I was thinking i could take friends to Disneyland for my 30th, but alas.
Not like it matters what i am thinking. If there is one thing everyone seems to agree upon is that my opinion, needs and wishes don't matter.

Idk just mad low energy as of late.

I just wanna have boardgame, DND or movie nights with friends and occasionally go out and on vacation once a year.
For the time my garbage ex friends and me played DND, i always baked Brownies or Muffins when we met.
But no one can appreciate such things.
 
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Hektor said:
I just wanna have boardgame, DND or movie nights with friends and occasionally go out and on vacation once a year.
For the time my garbage ex friends and me played DND, i always baked Brownies or Muffins when we met.
But no one can appreciate such things.
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For boardgames and DnD, that can be arranged online. Not the same, I know. Even movies I think the kids watch along on the internet.
I refuse to go to Disneyland with a Yoko Taro fan, though. Gotta draw the line somewhere, after all.
 
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Hektor said:
I'll be turning 30 before this year is over and i honestly can't handle it.

Never celebrated my birthday before because my parents never gave a shit.
Thought some years ago i could change that but then had my run in with all these shitty, abusive friends from my earlier posts.
Now im alone again and probably won't be doing anything for it.

I was thinking i could take friends to Disneyland for my 30th, but alas.
Not like it matters what i am thinking. If there is one thing everyone seems to agree upon is that my opinion, needs and wishes don't matter.

Idk just mad low energy as of late.

I just wanna have boardgame, DND or movie nights with friends and occasionally go out and on vacation once a year.
For the time my garbage ex friends and me played DND, i always baked Brownies or Muffins when we met.
But no one can appreciate such things.
Click to expand...
Are we talking Disneyland Disneyland? Or Disneyland Paris?

Even if you go by yourself you can still have a lot of fun by yourself. I went to Disneyland earlier this year and while I did spend some of it with my younger sister most of that trip was me by myself and I had fun.
 
Hektor said:
I'll be turning 30 before this year is over and i honestly can't handle it.

Never celebrated my birthday before because my parents never gave a shit.
Thought some years ago i could change that but then had my run in with all these shitty, abusive friends from my earlier posts.
Now im alone again and probably won't be doing anything for it.

I was thinking i could take friends to Disneyland for my 30th, but alas.
Not like it matters what i am thinking. If there is one thing everyone seems to agree upon is that my opinion, needs and wishes don't matter.

Idk just mad low energy as of late.

I just wanna have boardgame, DND or movie nights with friends and occasionally go out and on vacation once a year.
For the time my garbage ex friends and me played DND, i always baked Brownies or Muffins when we met.
But no one can appreciate such things.
Click to expand...
Words can't console much but, you should give online DnD a go at least.
Maybe you can find them in your city or state? That way you can find people to connect. I know its a hard task.

I can relate to you on opinions not mattering to other part. Feels powerless...
 
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Le Pertti said:
Cacher I fear it is kind of going downwards everywhere.:/ Im worried about my future in France as well. My gf sometimes wants us to move to Sweden to the north and live a simple life and I actually think that might not be the worst idea.
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You don't say. I just made our weekly food order and saw some lamb shoulder for 50 euros. Now okay, this was never a cheap piece of meat, but we are not even on a downward spiral anymore. It's free fall.
I didn't really appreciate the new 'small appetite' range from a known brand either. It's not small appetite you motherfuckers, it's inflation everywhere.
 
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Le Pertti said:
Cacher I fear it is kind of going downwards everywhere.:/ Im worried about my future in France as well. My gf sometimes wants us to move to Sweden to the north and live a simple life and I actually think that might not be the worst idea.
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Le Pertti said:
Cacher I fear it is kind of going downwards everywhere.:/ Im worried about my future in France as well. My gf sometimes wants us to move to Sweden to the north and live a simple life and I actually think that might not be the worst idea.
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If I could get out of the UK, I would. Sadly, the Anglosphere is insane right now so I haven’t really got anywhere else to go.
 
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Honestly, I kinda have one eye on Ireland. Not necessarily to live there, though I hear Dublin is a nice city.

More because if Northern Ireland decides it's had enough of England being England, I expect Scotland and Wales to follow them out soon after.

The UK as a political/national entity disintegrating might make living on this miserable island quite bearable.
 
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C-Dub said:
Honestly, I kinda have one eye on Ireland. Not necessarily to live there, though I hear Dublin is a nice city.

More because if Northern Ireland decides it's had enough of England being England, I expect Scotland and Wales to follow them out soon after.

The UK as a political/national entity disintegrating might make living on this miserable island quite bearable.
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There's a handful of places I'd live outside my own country tbh. Canada, Germany, Chile, Uruguay, and very specific parts of the US like the Pacific Northwest.
 
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I'm still struggling with the issues I detailed here earlier this year however some have gotten worse despite trying several antidepressants. I had to stop wellbutrin and zoloft because of the awful insomnia they gave me but my body was able to handle prozac and I was on it for like 4 months up to about a week ago. I stopped it because the apathy/anhedonia I mentioned has gotten real bad to the point where I'm just kinda flat and bored with everything now. Games, movies, tv shows...there's stuff I want to play or watch I just have no real motivation to do it because I know I'll end up getting nothing out of it. I have no idea if prozac made that worse that's why I'm experimenting and seeing what happens.

My doc and I talked a bit more than a month ago and we agreed that I probably have adhd that was never diagnosed or treated, and as I started looking back on parts of my life under the lens of having adhd it made a lot of sense. However the part I can't understand is if it is adhd why did it suddenly get too much this year.? Aside from the boredom issue the other main problem is I've noticed that some games completely wear me out mentally after about an hour, like to the point where I have to go lay down for a 20 minute rest because my brain is completely fried. It seems to happen more often with modern graphically intensive games and I have a theory that it's because of all the detail in these games, I try to take it all in and my brain can't handle it and overloads, but it's just a guess on my part I have limited understanding of adhd still and tbh there's not a lot of good info online about this stuff and gaming (most were saying gaming helps adhd people lol). I'm honestly not even sure if the problem I just described IS adhd or not.

Anyway around the start of this month she prescribed me adderall 10mg twice a day (well, the generic amphetamine salt combo) but so far it seems to do nothing to me other than make my heart rate speed up a little bit at random times. I was told that I'd feel it kick in within half an hour but these only last for like 5 hours but I feel absolutely nothing, I'm even still very fatigued in the morning and early afternoon after taking it. I go back later this week and I assume the dosage will increase but who knows. Anyone have experience with adhd here? If anything I'd like to know if what I said sounds like adhd or something else is going on. I know the usual answer is go to some specialist and I may eventually have to do that but when you've been to like 7 different kinds of doctors this year and none were able to help you start to lose faith in them.
 
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I know a fuck ton of people that got Covid this year, myself and my entire family included (first time for all of us), which includes my youngest (toddler) daughter, and my elderly mom and aunt, who both have cancer... But thankfully at this point we're all recovering, I had been sick for over a month but other than a cough, runny nose, and some other problems I'm finally feeling pretty well.

A lot of coworkers and people I know online getting Covid for the first time this year as well...
 
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I'm not in the best place right now.
I have been shitting blood for 3 weeks, and the best my GP could do was write me a letter for a specialist, saying 'everyone is full, you might have better luck than me' (you absolute bitch, if only it was remotely credible).

I could have gotten an urgent appointment but I needed an email from the GM to the specialist and apparently this cow doesn't deem my case urgent.

Which, uh, would be cool and reassuring if I only could talk to her for confirmation. In this day and age, one does not simply phone his GM, one have to leave a message to a secretary, telling her to keep him in the loop. No trace amount of kept in the loop was found.

I still hope it's simply hemorrhoid related, the blood is bright red and I'm not lacking in that department, but if it is serious, doesn't change anything, no one gives a fuck.
 
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Hey, update from my ass. Literally :so-good-blob:

After shitting blood for nearly a month, it occurred to me I was eating a little on the spicy side, sauce-wise. So no more barbecue sauce or whatever, and oh my gosh, surprise, no more blood !
So it is totally possible I'm just stupid and my ass is simply a minefield of hemorrhoids that don't share my enthusiasm for hot sauces.

On the other hand, I peppered my fries two days ago and today, guess who is fucking back ?

So yeah,, still very worried because a peppered dish sounds very weak to provoke such a reaction. Will have to see in the next few days or weeks what happens.

To those that contacted me, I honestly can't thank you enough. Didn't reply because I can't say I enjoy delving on it, but your words were needed and appreciated.
 
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I have not had a steady job since August of last year. I have mainly been doing temp work which are maybe 1 day a month if I'm lucky.

I have been "lucky" and in the past 2-3 weeks have gone to 3 interviews. It was not until the end of May when I started to apply to a lot of places.

For todays interview I had to do a group interview with 2 other people. We were told they were interviewing 50 people in total. I was rather discouraged.

I could have gotten a job at this other place but I don't feel comfortable being around people that smoke so that was a no go.


I hope I am able to find something.


Things seem to have gotten pretty bad. I remember in 2017 and 2018 applying for part time jobs between May and August and I was able to get a part time job rather quickly. But fast forward to 2024 and it feels impossible to get even a part time job. Funny enough I was offered a full time position and stuff but I can't do that since I'm still going to school.


Maybe it's easier in some other countries but that's what it's currently like in the US.
 
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Jav said:
[Hidden content]
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[HIDEREPLYTHANKS]personally - i would listen to the specialists, but you can get a third opinion if you want. take care of yourself - that's the most important thing you can do, work is not important, and "sucking it up" is definitely not the answer[/HIDEREPLYTHANKS]
 
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I hate myself. So much.

I can't even write a CV to start my job hunting, and I've been unemployed for over a month. Now my parents have started bothering to get out of the house.
Meanwhile my liver and stomach are in bad state; doctor said it is because of excessive stress that it got worse. Makes sense, I can not think straight or clearly after my last job.

This is all because of me and my slight inconveniences that paralyze me.
 
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Guess who's back?

Again paralyzed by slight inconvenience.

I know I should have an disciplines schedule (wake up early, bathe before eating etc etc), but my mind is too tired to do anything. I've started to see annoyance in my parents.

Only thing that's keeping me alive is medicine and gymming.
 
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Feeling a lot better now after recovering from covid, only got a runny nose occasionally, but now I'm having yet another episode where I have a headache, followed by extreme irritability (Like I just feel angry or depressed all of a sudden), and feeling on edge. I don't know if this is manic depression or BPD, but when I get a hold of a therapist (currently on a wait list again), I really need to mention how this stuff can just happen out of the blue. Like I'd rather not be here when that happens. The head aching for some reason makes me twist and tug my hair for a release.

Pair that with the toxicity and complete hopelessness of social media (the ragebaiting on any side of the "discourse"), the wrong direction society as a whole is going, not really having a good thing to really distract myself from those feelings, and feeling behind on a lot of things, and it's a recipe for disaster.
 
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Well it looks like i'm going to be entering a period of stress and anxiety for a few months as i've just had a letter saying the owners are selling the house i've been renting for the last 15+ years.

So now i have to look for a new place either on my own or hopefully with the remaining housemate who i get along with.
The enormity of the task keeps popping into my head and it's only been two hours. I have literally 15 years of stuff to sort out, bundle up and possibly put into storage until this is sorted and it's been so long since i've had to move house that it's stressing me the heck out.

I'm sure i'll calm down and figure out a plan in a while but for now, all i know is that i have to find somewhere to live in the next few months and it's daunting.
Wish me luck, my anxiety is going through the roof at the moment.
 
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I am doing something job related stuff that isn't paying me (but in the same field that I left), but I need a job where I'm sufficiently paid as well as have a future.
Had discussion with my parents but I still have no idea what to do with my life. Genuinely scared.
 
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My mum has about 2-3 weeks left to live. She has an aggressive brain cancer that’s stripped parts of her personality away over the last 7-8 months.

I come across so matter-of-fact about it, but I’ve been mourning bits of her “dying” over this time; she’s not the same person who raised me anymore. So when she “goes”, I just don’t know how I’m gonna feel.

Will I crash and burn?

Will I be OK?

I honestly don’t know. I’m kind of worried.
 
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