Support Come and load off your mental struggles
- Thread starter freshVeggie
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My wife tested positive on Covid-19 today. Luckily my daughter and I are negative (for now), but I do feel bad for my wife that she has to live in other rooms for the next 10 days. 
Hearbreak sucks. I wish I could detach myself from my feelings completely.
Just have to get it off my chest, as things continue to go from bad to worse.
A couple days ago my cat died (of cancer), and then my mom was diagnosed with metastatic cancer. I've had a cold for a few days. Small things keep going wrong. And I'm just barely hanging out at this point.
A couple days ago my cat died (of cancer), and then my mom was diagnosed with metastatic cancer. I've had a cold for a few days. Small things keep going wrong. And I'm just barely hanging out at this point.
It's not really a mental struggle although it's overall not pleasant, it could have gone in the random thought thread, but I guess there is no reason to only post heavy stuff here.
We finally have cool weather in France. I mean we had it before but it came and went fast, this one feels it could lasts a little.
So three things it evokes in me right now...
Boardgames
A little out of nowhere but I guess I'm more in the mood when the landscape doesn't put me to tears. Life is coming back, motherfuckers. Let's share the joy !
Summer evenings
Oh, the evening torpor on a patio, just chilling at the ideal temp, with... you know what, the cherry on top: newborn birds nesting under the patio's roof.
Grill
I fucking hate my apartment with every fiber of my being, if only for the fact I can't grill anymore. I live for a good BBQ and Rosé wine or Anisette.
5+ years without that, I don't know how I can even function anymore, that's how precious it is to me. But well, try renting a house surrounded by some nature for a reasonable price.
And just to be clear, it's not all roses and candy.
We finally have cool weather in France. I mean we had it before but it came and went fast, this one feels it could lasts a little.
So three things it evokes in me right now...
Boardgames
A little out of nowhere but I guess I'm more in the mood when the landscape doesn't put me to tears. Life is coming back, motherfuckers. Let's share the joy !
Summer evenings
Oh, the evening torpor on a patio, just chilling at the ideal temp, with... you know what, the cherry on top: newborn birds nesting under the patio's roof.
Grill
I fucking hate my apartment with every fiber of my being, if only for the fact I can't grill anymore. I live for a good BBQ and Rosé wine or Anisette.
5+ years without that, I don't know how I can even function anymore, that's how precious it is to me. But well, try renting a house surrounded by some nature for a reasonable price.
And just to be clear, it's not all roses and candy.
I miss my father, I miss my house, I miss my life.
I keep saying I'll find something fun to do everyday but I just spend my time sleeping and work. I can't really blame working either because I'm not a hard working person, I just get by so I can go back to sleep and I don't want to wake up.
I've been stuck in a rut for a while now and only thing I enjoy is looking forward to drinking in my spare time, I'm scared I'm just gonna become more and more of a nuisance and not to mention it's a big money sink, I just don't have any drive or motivation to do anything. I sometimes look at old junk I used to do but honestly it wasn't like I had much passion back then either and I just remember my youth being just a mess, I tried to bruteforce it but I was just a talentless hack that wasted all those time for nothing, and it led to me being burned out. Over the last year I thought I had it figured out and will start anew, learn new things, etc, things aren't hard as long as I put my heart into it, right, but here I am out of gas again and my brain just refuse to cooperate.
I wish I could just enjoy things, I did for a bit but everything becomes disappointing fast.
I've been stuck in a rut for a while now and only thing I enjoy is looking forward to drinking in my spare time, I'm scared I'm just gonna become more and more of a nuisance and not to mention it's a big money sink, I just don't have any drive or motivation to do anything. I sometimes look at old junk I used to do but honestly it wasn't like I had much passion back then either and I just remember my youth being just a mess, I tried to bruteforce it but I was just a talentless hack that wasted all those time for nothing, and it led to me being burned out. Over the last year I thought I had it figured out and will start anew, learn new things, etc, things aren't hard as long as I put my heart into it, right, but here I am out of gas again and my brain just refuse to cooperate.
I wish I could just enjoy things, I did for a bit but everything becomes disappointing fast.
A lot of crazier and crazier (bad) stuff started to happen in recent weeks. I actually started to disassociate a bit. Then I got hit by a windfall of about $10K U.S. and things started to stabilize a bit. In a way this actually enhances my disassociation a bit, but at least it's good things. In fact, it's the first objectively large good thing that has happened for/around me in a couple of years.
Yeah there were smaller good things (like being able to preorder a PS5 early on, eventually landing a 3080, buying our current home at a relative (for the market) bargain without many unexpected issues), and the last really big one prior to that was getting my current job. But 10k out of nowhere is definitely way up there.
I mean this to be a reply to this from a few months ago specifically:
My mood is still pretty terrible. I mean the money will go towards things we need, but it's not like I want anything either. To that end, I can't think of a single thing I'd buy if you offered me (apart from really huge, unrealistic purchases like a butler for life or a mega mansion or another vehicle (which we need)).
Yeah there were smaller good things (like being able to preorder a PS5 early on, eventually landing a 3080, buying our current home at a relative (for the market) bargain without many unexpected issues), and the last really big one prior to that was getting my current job. But 10k out of nowhere is definitely way up there.
I mean this to be a reply to this from a few months ago specifically:
My mood is still pretty terrible. I mean the money will go towards things we need, but it's not like I want anything either. To that end, I can't think of a single thing I'd buy if you offered me (apart from really huge, unrealistic purchases like a butler for life or a mega mansion or another vehicle (which we need)).
I hate posting my little money issues after those posts, but I can't help feeling it's better located here than in the 'Something irrelevant' thread. If it is confirmed, and it will, companies who bill you are always right, we are fucked sideways.
So yeah , money was better for 5-6 months, not great but I discovered the joy of not using overdraft. Life was not that bad.
Then yesterday we went to the local supermarket for food and everything has augmented to the point I felt stunned. 200 euros and we didn't even buy meat. What will it be for a full course, motherfuckers ?
But the cherry on top was late, today I receive a mail from my energy provider, our monthly bill is going from 118 to 192. Now, with the world in the state it's in, an augmentation is no surprise, and I would hate to be whining about it on paper. But MOTHERFUCKERS that's, steep is not even the right word here.
Gas went from 76 t 150 a month. Just nearly doubled.
So yeah , money was better for 5-6 months, not great but I discovered the joy of not using overdraft. Life was not that bad.
Then yesterday we went to the local supermarket for food and everything has augmented to the point I felt stunned. 200 euros and we didn't even buy meat. What will it be for a full course, motherfuckers ?
But the cherry on top was late, today I receive a mail from my energy provider, our monthly bill is going from 118 to 192. Now, with the world in the state it's in, an augmentation is no surprise, and I would hate to be whining about it on paper. But MOTHERFUCKERS that's, steep is not even the right word here.
Gas went from 76 t 150 a month. Just nearly doubled.
You're not kidding. Prices for food and energy have gone up wildly here in the US too. Gasoline is several times more expensive than it was during Covid. Food prices have kept ratcheting up. Now I'm hearing our natural gas prices will increase by about 50% in a months' time, and where I live you can't even switch providers. I (think) I was able to lock in 1 year of a highly discounted electricity price, similarly those costs around here are going up almost 50% at the end of the month otherwise...
I guess energy costs are one thing that isn't just inflation and gouging, because my employer is probably also being hit with extra costs in these specific ways (so it's not like I can say 'hey give me a 50% raise!')
Yeah, I’ve been hit by energy hikes too.
Went up £600 since last year. Expecting it to raise another £800 by October. Over 12 months it’s not horrendous, but if I was in my old job we’d be really struggling now.
Getting a 5% pay raise next month but that’s going to be eaten up entirely by the energy hikes.
Don’t even want to talk about food costs. It’s disgusting.
Meanwhile these companies post bumper profits and shareholders get richer. Time to nationalise this shit and let the good times absorb the costs of the bad times, rather than siphoning the profits off to shareholders.
I have come to realize that while I don't have chronic anxiety problems, the democracy spiraling toward collapse in the US does weigh heavily on my mind.
You know, screaming internally.
Guess we'll see at midterms if Roe v Wade being overturned will actually make half of all white women in the US not vote against their own interests. Then again, I hadn't looked to see if there's an age divide in that demographic. Not that it matters; the result is the same.
And that's before I discuss how I came to realize that "god" and "gun" begin with the same letter, and only require three letters each.
Or how a white guy can murder ppl during the 4th of July and be taken alive, while a black man that same weekend is shot 60 times for running from the police.
Or every update from Uvalde on how shitty the police are.
Or Biden being a weaksauce president.
And so on.
And these are things I know even after shutting off the news.
You know, screaming internally.
Guess we'll see at midterms if Roe v Wade being overturned will actually make half of all white women in the US not vote against their own interests. Then again, I hadn't looked to see if there's an age divide in that demographic. Not that it matters; the result is the same.
And that's before I discuss how I came to realize that "god" and "gun" begin with the same letter, and only require three letters each.
Or how a white guy can murder ppl during the 4th of July and be taken alive, while a black man that same weekend is shot 60 times for running from the police.
Or every update from Uvalde on how shitty the police are.
Or Biden being a weaksauce president.
And so on.
And these are things I know even after shutting off the news.
I've long since left complaining about regional pricing
But when I see bad pricing, my blood boils and my head goes in a stressful dark place
Even though I'm earning now
It's stressful, a lot
But when I see bad pricing, my blood boils and my head goes in a stressful dark place
Even though I'm earning now
It's stressful, a lot
My 9yo daughter's teacher unexpectedly died yesterday during his holiday in Spain. Telling her this news was so hard for me, because I knew how sad it would make her. I'm sad about it as well, that guy was the best teacher ever. He never came to school without his guitar...
Good teachers are so rare. Some of my most cherished school memories (of which there are very few) involve inspirational, funny, authentic and passionate teachers. You learn more from them in one lesson than a mediocre teacher will teach in a year.
Sorry to hear you had to give your daughter this news.
Absolutely FANTASTIC news ! Couldn’t have asked for a better one just before goin to bed.
I have the worst social worker and I think she is going to fuck up my case that will make it that I loose all my rights. And its stressing me out quite a bit. Hell she even said "she knew she was mean" when she took away my right to social restaurant. So I can't get good meals. Thankfully I have my rice cooker and lots of rice and pasta stored!
Also Its only half to the month and have zero money. Maybe a thing like that motivates most people but for me it completely demoralises me to that extent that I again only see suicide as inevitable. My old psychologist refuses to see me because I had to take a break during my studies last year, they direct me to my local mental health place but they say they will never have time for me and they send me to some other organisation but missed calls and stuff like that and it just became too much.
I know I can go into some very pessimistic places in my head but I keep failing at life so its hard not to.
Also Its only half to the month and have zero money. Maybe a thing like that motivates most people but for me it completely demoralises me to that extent that I again only see suicide as inevitable. My old psychologist refuses to see me because I had to take a break during my studies last year, they direct me to my local mental health place but they say they will never have time for me and they send me to some other organisation but missed calls and stuff like that and it just became too much.
I know I can go into some very pessimistic places in my head but I keep failing at life so its hard not to.
Why did the POS cut your tickets ? You aren’t looking hard enough for a job ?
Said I had too much money monthly. Weird since I only have the minimum that the others at the restaurant also had. But yes I think she is trying to motivate me to find work, the only thing she has helped me with the last year, is to ask me once a month if I have looked for work. Completely ignoring the plan I and the last social worker set in motion and with pole emploi.
My entire friendsgroup has fallen apart again.
Starting with this one peron i've loved who hates me and now has blocked me everywhere because she had the habit of interpreting everything i did in the most negatively possible manner. (Like accusing me of ignoring her, when i simply didnt hear her and many such similar things) creating constant drama in the process.
The person she's started to date for obvious reasons aswell.
Another friend that's started to do drugs now or something and that doesnt care anymore either.
One's just constantly mad all the time now whom i had to tell that i dont want to put up with her anger issues anymore.
One who doesn't wanna talk or see me individually because "You are male and that'd be weird".
sike
I've loved these people all so much and put so much effort into them, trying to help them when they were moving homes or help them talk when they had fights, making high effort gifts for christmas and all that jizz. And now im losing them all.
when i had them i was the happiest i had ever been.
Now I'm feeling so burned up and hardly like myself anymore.
Starting with this one peron i've loved who hates me and now has blocked me everywhere because she had the habit of interpreting everything i did in the most negatively possible manner. (Like accusing me of ignoring her, when i simply didnt hear her and many such similar things) creating constant drama in the process.
The person she's started to date for obvious reasons aswell.
Another friend that's started to do drugs now or something and that doesnt care anymore either.
One's just constantly mad all the time now whom i had to tell that i dont want to put up with her anger issues anymore.
One who doesn't wanna talk or see me individually because "You are male and that'd be weird".
sike
I've loved these people all so much and put so much effort into them, trying to help them when they were moving homes or help them talk when they had fights, making high effort gifts for christmas and all that jizz. And now im losing them all.
when i had them i was the happiest i had ever been.
Now I'm feeling so burned up and hardly like myself anymore.
Hey i just want to say. Im glad i found this forum.
I'm just going to leave this little video here. maybe some of you will find it helpful.
I'm just going to leave this little video here. maybe some of you will find it helpful.