Can't say it feels like regret or anything, but more like "How did I even get here and why?"
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Yeah I can understand that feeling, I feel that now about my weight, like how the hell did I allow myself to gain all that weight again, and especially why would I do that to myself.
Think I’m in quite a bad place and don’t know how to get out. Feels like I’m on the brink of panic. Have that constant stone of hopelessness in the stomach. That tense feeling in the shoulder of how the fuck I messed up my life so much.
I did but because I moved my old psychologist doesn't want to see me anymore and in my new district they can't take me on since they don't have free space, so Ive tried to go to a place where one has to pay a symbolic amount but the one I had didn't really do anything other than just listen and pretty much forgot what I had said between weeks. But I will meet a new one next week so hoping it will be better.
that's good! here's hoping the new one's better
The one thing that stressed me a lot was my social and medical rights here in France, since j have to renew them every year and there is always some issues. This year I didn’t get any letter about it and yeah not knowing anything was very stressful.
anyway, it seems fine! I think I might have to do that anymore, since I have lived in France over five years. Also last summer that court was going to decide something about me, I completely forgot about it because I didn’t hear anything about it, I’m guessing that went well.
anyway, it seems fine! I think I might have to do that anymore, since I have lived in France over five years. Also last summer that court was going to decide something about me, I completely forgot about it because I didn’t hear anything about it, I’m guessing that went well.
Well I'm in depressed drunk mode today.
Quitting alcohol to me is basically telling me to go back and deal with the general unhappiness of life, and honestly there's no solution to that other than just "deal with it", some days are okay and some days not so much, that's just the way the world is.
I remember when I was a kid my mom used to tell me "if you're not happy then you just have to put in the effort and pursue it.", that's just not how that shit works.
Quitting alcohol to me is basically telling me to go back and deal with the general unhappiness of life, and honestly there's no solution to that other than just "deal with it", some days are okay and some days not so much, that's just the way the world is.
I remember when I was a kid my mom used to tell me "if you're not happy then you just have to put in the effort and pursue it.", that's just not how that shit works.
Give me the pistol, aim it high
I'm out in the desert shooting at the sky
Mental (Logic) me
Heart (Emotional) me
These two are at odds again and I'm struggling to keep myself "on the level" at an extremely important juncture in my life. There is a bajillion things happening right now in my life (literally just narrowly avoided being homeless) and my heart is being a big baby bitch over a relationship with two friends. Not technically romantic, at best I'm a Hanekawa in the relationship between an Araragi and a Senjougahara. Meanwhile my brain struggles to bonk my heart back in place and deal with things that will delineate and shape my immediate and near future.
Mental me knows I need to buckle up and stay the course.
Heart me is ready to just crumble, even though I thought I hardened the fuck up with a year away from these people.
... but in the end, I come back and they're the same, everything I loved about them and made me fall for them in the first place. It's still there. I never fell out of love. I just bottled it up the whole time.
I'm sorry this is vague as fuck. It's more of a vent anyway sorry.
I'm out in the desert shooting at the sky
Mental (Logic) me
Heart (Emotional) me
These two are at odds again and I'm struggling to keep myself "on the level" at an extremely important juncture in my life. There is a bajillion things happening right now in my life (literally just narrowly avoided being homeless) and my heart is being a big baby bitch over a relationship with two friends. Not technically romantic, at best I'm a Hanekawa in the relationship between an Araragi and a Senjougahara. Meanwhile my brain struggles to bonk my heart back in place and deal with things that will delineate and shape my immediate and near future.
Mental me knows I need to buckle up and stay the course.
Heart me is ready to just crumble, even though I thought I hardened the fuck up with a year away from these people.
... but in the end, I come back and they're the same, everything I loved about them and made me fall for them in the first place. It's still there. I never fell out of love. I just bottled it up the whole time.
I'm sorry this is vague as fuck. It's more of a vent anyway sorry.
Never force your heart to do anything. Always be open and honest with it.Give me the pistol, aim it high
I'm out in the desert shooting at the sky
Mental (Logic) me
Heart (Emotional) me
These two are at odds again and I'm struggling to keep myself "on the level" at an extremely important juncture in my life. There is a bajillion things happening right now in my life (literally just narrowly avoided being homeless) and my heart is being a big baby bitch over a relationship with two friends. Not technically romantic, at best I'm a Hanekawa in the relationship between an Araragi and a Senjougahara. Meanwhile my brain struggles to bonk my heart back in place and deal with things that will delineate and shape my immediate and near future.
Mental me knows I need to buckle up and stay the course.
Heart me is ready to just crumble, even though I thought I hardened the fuck up with a year away from these people.
... but in the end, I come back and they're the same, everything I loved about them and made me fall for them in the first place. It's still there. I never fell out of love. I just bottled it up the whole time.
I'm sorry this is vague as fuck. It's more of a vent anyway sorry.
The longest I go sober is like 2-3 days.
Sucks, the days I'm sober I'm just counting down the days working and being annoyed, I've been doing some walking but still, I have 0 motivation to do anything and wish I stayed asleep whenever I open my eyes.
Sucks, the days I'm sober I'm just counting down the days working and being annoyed, I've been doing some walking but still, I have 0 motivation to do anything and wish I stayed asleep whenever I open my eyes.
Isn’t that kind of a good thing? Because that is how the body works, it will fight like that against change, it won’t stay like that.
Probably, but I've toned it down a bit, the later I delay it the less I get to drink when I inevitably relapse.