⚡ Giant Pikamee Fan ⚡
- Sep 20, 2018
Can't say it feels like regret or anything, but more like "How did I even get here and why?"What’s that like?
Can't say it feels like regret or anything, but more like "How did I even get here and why?"What’s that like?
Yeah I can understand that feeling, I feel that now about my weight, like how the hell did I allow myself to gain all that weight again, and especially why would I do that to myself.Can't say it feels like regret or anything, but more like "How did I even get here and why?"
I did but because I moved my old psychologist doesn't want to see me anymore and in my new district they can't take me on since they don't have free space, so Ive tried to go to a place where one has to pay a symbolic amount but the one I had didn't really do anything other than just listen and pretty much forgot what I had said between weeks. But I will meet a new one next week so hoping it will be better.[Hidden content]
Never force your heart to do anything. Always be open and honest with it.Give me the pistol, aim it high
I'm out in the desert shooting at the sky
Mental (Logic) me
Heart (Emotional) me
These two are at odds again and I'm struggling to keep myself "on the level" at an extremely important juncture in my life. There is a bajillion things happening right now in my life (literally just narrowly avoided being homeless) and my heart is being a big baby bitch over a relationship with two friends. Not technically romantic, at best I'm a Hanekawa in the relationship between an Araragi and a Senjougahara. Meanwhile my brain struggles to bonk my heart back in place and deal with things that will delineate and shape my immediate and near future.
Mental me knows I need to buckle up and stay the course.
Heart me is ready to just crumble, even though I thought I hardened the fuck up with a year away from these people.
... but in the end, I come back and they're the same, everything I loved about them and made me fall for them in the first place. It's still there. I never fell out of love. I just bottled it up the whole time.
I'm sorry this is vague as fuck. It's more of a vent anyway sorry.
Isn’t that kind of a good thing? Because that is how the body works, it will fight like that against change, it won’t stay like that.The longest I go sober is like 2-3 days.
Sucks, the days I'm sober I'm just counting down the days working and being annoyed, I've been doing some walking but still, I have 0 motivation to do anything and wish I stayed asleep whenever I open my eyes.
Probably, but I've toned it down a bit, the later I delay it the less I get to drink when I inevitably relapse.Isn’t that kind of a good thing? Because that is how the body works, it will fight like that against change, it won’t stay like that.
You know what man. This shit worked.Never force your heart to do anything. Always be open and honest with it.
Very happy to hear this!You know what man. This shit worked.
I'm in love. It's that simple.
Thank you for this. It's so short and simple but damn.
I came clean with them. It's working. Things are smooth. Things are going well.
We heal. We move forward. Feelings acknowledged.
Thank you. I was wrong to beat up my own heart.
Ive honestly just been feeling worse about it the more time passes.My entire friendsgroup has fallen apart again.
Starting with this one peron i've loved who hates me and now has blocked me everywhere because she had the habit of interpreting everything i did in the most negatively possible manner. (Like accusing me of ignoring her, when i simply didnt hear her and many such similar things) creating constant drama in the process.
The person she's started to date for obvious reasons aswell.
Another friend that's started to do drugs now or something and that doesnt care anymore either.
One's just constantly mad all the time now whom i had to tell that i dont want to put up with her anger issues anymore.
One who doesn't wanna talk or see me individually because "You are male and that'd be weird".
I've loved these people all so much and put so much effort into them, trying to help them when they were moving homes or help them talk when they had fights, making high effort gifts for christmas and all that jizz. And now im losing them all.
when i had them i was the happiest i had ever been.
Now I'm feeling so burned up and hardly like myself anymore.
Most of them ive cut off by now.It pisses me to no end to see you hurting Hektor , and that goes for several other posters in this thread. It is not right for you all to feel this way. You merit to be happy, you deserve to not feel such misery in your personal life.
As much as this will feel like weak sauce advice, please consider your well being above these people Hektor, their are hurting you. Try to distance yourself from them, you had good times together and that’s great, but now this is only toxic. I promise you there are other wonderful people on this floating rock, we are billions after all.
Drop them. Breath. Think about you first.
You have a job ? You aren’t shy ? Then go out, socialize, go to whatever event picks your interest.
We are here for you, to hear you, to chat, to play. You deserves to be well, and that goes for everyone here, and I hurt to see you all in such pain.
This little struggle had a quick turnaround. I am now working on AI at my old job.My current big struggle which I want to vent about is... I really want to go big time into AI stuff, thinking OpenAI or Microsoft or otherwise someone that isn't stupid (honestly I think Google AI devs seem to have the right mindset, but it's Google, whereas OpenAI are koolaid drinking loonies but they have a lot of passion...?)
I'd just rather be working with a technology I know is the most important technology of the millenium outside of my free time. The issue is I didn't study data science, and frankly thought not much would come of AI tech up until recent times. I've contributed to some AI community code, trained and released some models, etc. But I feel that I need to really increase my rigor if I want to be like a top AI guy. In fact I know exactly what I have to do, but the issue is having time!
My current job, which is very much not AI related, and at best we have some devs now dabbling in using 3rd party tools, has me writing so many rigorous tests and wading through spaghetti code and mainly I'm not enjoying the type of stuff I've been up to there lately.
It's quite possible things will change at my current job, as it shifts pretty frequently, I was on 4 different teams in the last year. It's just now I'm siloed into a shitty area with what is basically a 10x dev that either really doesn't understand a lot of what he does or doesn't care about the level of rigor we require.
With 2 kids, chores, household, and personal goals I'm trying to accomplish, while not going insane, it's hard to find the time to take my skills to the level I want them to be if I'm going to break it big making our future overlord.
My mom took it for a time, no complaints from her. That's all I got.Anyone have experience with wellbutrin? I'm going to ask my doc about it, either pairing it with my celexa or possibly going solo we'll see what happens.
I've been taking celexa (citalopram) for so long I can't even remember when I started, I'd wager it's been 10 years at least. I think it worked pretty well for a long time though I noticed around october I was having a hard time enjoying games (yeah I know cue the age old joke about me hating everything lol). I decided to quit it on my own as maybe it was blunting my emotions too much, not wise but I knew what I was in for and for about 2-3 weeks it was rough but then I cleared the withdrawal hurdle. And for a couple of months things were fine but maybe I was just having better luck playing stuff that clicked with me like Ragnarok and Harvestella.
This year though I got hit with a massive roadblock. Almost immediately as the year started I came down with a pretty nasty case of dry eye that as of this post we're still working through figuring out what happened. It's made playing, focusing on and enjoying games even harder and I was forced to go back on the celexa just to manage the crushing depression and frustration of that + the whole apathy thing in general. Right now I barely play anything, even thinking about playing stuff is usually unappealing in my head. It's so bad now that I think if FF7 Rebirth came out tomorrow I wouldn't want to play it lol. On top of the celexa possibly not working anymore (I could just be burned out on games I guess, but that notion terrifies me more tbh) I've grown tired of the persistent side effects that and SSRIs in general tend to have, so I've been looking up stuff and people seem to have rather good success with wellbutrin, sometimes by itself and sometimes paired with their SSRI too. It even seems to counter some of the side effects SSRIs have like weight gain and sexual side effects (though of course it has its own set of potential issues as all meds do).
Obviously all this antidepressant stuff varies from person to person but it can't hurt gauging opinions anyway.
Yeah, I'm fucked on this. I take Prozac or some shit and looks like there are better treatments out there in the 21st century. But I can't (or the psy didn't want to) accumulate the two in some measure, complete weaning before taking new shit. I was to go slowly, progressively cutting some part of the pill.I started wellbutrin today so we'll see how it goes. I have to ween myself off of the other one too so I expect the next week or two are going to be....weird.
Yeah other SSRIs aren't supposed to be taken together so if you were assigned another one you have to fully detox first which I imagine is rough. Wellbutrin is a bit different since it's in a different category and it can go with SSRIs but in my case I'm quitting one and taking that, so it's a combo of possible withdrawal effects and anything a new med might do (so far I'm ok though 2 days in).Yeah, I'm fucked on this. I take Prozac or some shit and looks like there are better treatments out there in the 21st century. But I can't (or the psy didn't want to) accumulate the two in some measure, complete weaning before taking new shit. I was to go slowly, progressively cutting some part of the pill.
10 days in I was near suicide watch level.
I took back my Prozac and left the psy.
Not my brightest moment, but weaning is no joke.
I’m a public sector worker, which makes all of the above even worse.Corporations have gone insane.
This comes after I already had a near mental breakdown at start of month.I'm still not fully recovered but it is a start.
Just curious if you have other software development experience. If any company is rejecting someone over lack of framework or language experience, they probably aren't worth working at.I'm so frustrated that I can't find another job. I've spent hours on courses for C#, ASP.NET, Entity Framework etc, but what I need now is a job where I can use this knowledge in a real life project.
Problem is that companies don't want to hire me because I have no professional experience in .NET. How am I supposed to get any experience this way?
I've been working with Visual Basic and T-SQL during the past 20 years. Most of the software that our customers are using are still VB desktop apps.Just curious if you have other software development experience. If any company is rejecting someone over lack of framework or language experience, they probably aren't worth working at.
Eh I can understand not hiring you as project lead or architect but unemployable seems like utter madness. I feel like even speaking of the concept of domain driven design is a tier of consideration beyond the majority of developers (wholly).I've been working with Visual Basic and T-SQL during the past 20 years. Most of the software that our customers are using are still VB desktop apps.
While those apps are pretty big and complex, VB is not object-oriented nor domain-driven, which makes my experience completely worthless for companies developing modern web applications in .NET and JS frameworks like React or Angular.
I head a Teams chat with a recruiter today, and she said exactly the same thing. It makes no sense, especially since developer is high on the most wanted job list in my country.Eh I can understand not hiring you as project lead or architect but unemployable seems like utter madness. I feel like even speaking of the concept of domain driven design is a tier of consideration beyond the majority of developers (wholly).
I suggest bagging another offer using the previous offer as bargining chip. That's how people switch jobs here in my place.I head a Teams chat with a recruiter today, and she said exactly the same thing. It makes no sense, especially since developer is high on the most wanted job list in my country.
I finally got a job proposal today, for developing apps for a HR company in low-code (Pega). They are prepared to train me and offered a good salary and a brand new car. But... it's in another city, which means I would be on the road for over 3 hours a day. In other words: I would be able to buy lots of games, but have no free time to play them.
I don't think my wife and daughter would agree with that. But if I was single, I would definitely move.If getting a rented room is not an issue and the workplace actually turns out to be good/interesting, you should move to that place.
If you feel like venting out, go ahead.I seriously don't know how to handle my latest breakup, it was something that I didn't even think could exist let alone ever experiences, so now that its over it feels like it left such a deep existential scar that it is messing me immensely.