Can't say it feels like regret or anything, but more like "How did I even get here and why?"
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Yeah I can understand that feeling, I feel that now about my weight, like how the hell did I allow myself to gain all that weight again, and especially why would I do that to myself.
Think I’m in quite a bad place and don’t know how to get out. Feels like I’m on the brink of panic. Have that constant stone of hopelessness in the stomach. That tense feeling in the shoulder of how the fuck I messed up my life so much.
I did but because I moved my old psychologist doesn't want to see me anymore and in my new district they can't take me on since they don't have free space, so Ive tried to go to a place where one has to pay a symbolic amount but the one I had didn't really do anything other than just listen and pretty much forgot what I had said between weeks. But I will meet a new one next week so hoping it will be better.
The one thing that stressed me a lot was my social and medical rights here in France, since j have to renew them every year and there is always some issues. This year I didn’t get any letter about it and yeah not knowing anything was very stressful.
anyway, it seems fine! I think I might have to do that anymore, since I have lived in France over five years. Also last summer that court was going to decide something about me, I completely forgot about it because I didn’t hear anything about it, I’m guessing that went well.
anyway, it seems fine! I think I might have to do that anymore, since I have lived in France over five years. Also last summer that court was going to decide something about me, I completely forgot about it because I didn’t hear anything about it, I’m guessing that went well.
Well I'm in depressed drunk mode today.
Quitting alcohol to me is basically telling me to go back and deal with the general unhappiness of life, and honestly there's no solution to that other than just "deal with it", some days are okay and some days not so much, that's just the way the world is.
I remember when I was a kid my mom used to tell me "if you're not happy then you just have to put in the effort and pursue it.", that's just not how that shit works.
Quitting alcohol to me is basically telling me to go back and deal with the general unhappiness of life, and honestly there's no solution to that other than just "deal with it", some days are okay and some days not so much, that's just the way the world is.
I remember when I was a kid my mom used to tell me "if you're not happy then you just have to put in the effort and pursue it.", that's just not how that shit works.
Give me the pistol, aim it high
I'm out in the desert shooting at the sky
Mental (Logic) me
Heart (Emotional) me
These two are at odds again and I'm struggling to keep myself "on the level" at an extremely important juncture in my life. There is a bajillion things happening right now in my life (literally just narrowly avoided being homeless) and my heart is being a big baby bitch over a relationship with two friends. Not technically romantic, at best I'm a Hanekawa in the relationship between an Araragi and a Senjougahara. Meanwhile my brain struggles to bonk my heart back in place and deal with things that will delineate and shape my immediate and near future.
Mental me knows I need to buckle up and stay the course.
Heart me is ready to just crumble, even though I thought I hardened the fuck up with a year away from these people.
... but in the end, I come back and they're the same, everything I loved about them and made me fall for them in the first place. It's still there. I never fell out of love. I just bottled it up the whole time.
I'm sorry this is vague as fuck. It's more of a vent anyway sorry.
I'm out in the desert shooting at the sky
Mental (Logic) me
Heart (Emotional) me
These two are at odds again and I'm struggling to keep myself "on the level" at an extremely important juncture in my life. There is a bajillion things happening right now in my life (literally just narrowly avoided being homeless) and my heart is being a big baby bitch over a relationship with two friends. Not technically romantic, at best I'm a Hanekawa in the relationship between an Araragi and a Senjougahara. Meanwhile my brain struggles to bonk my heart back in place and deal with things that will delineate and shape my immediate and near future.
Mental me knows I need to buckle up and stay the course.
Heart me is ready to just crumble, even though I thought I hardened the fuck up with a year away from these people.
... but in the end, I come back and they're the same, everything I loved about them and made me fall for them in the first place. It's still there. I never fell out of love. I just bottled it up the whole time.
I'm sorry this is vague as fuck. It's more of a vent anyway sorry.
Never force your heart to do anything. Always be open and honest with it.Give me the pistol, aim it high
I'm out in the desert shooting at the sky
Mental (Logic) me
Heart (Emotional) me
These two are at odds again and I'm struggling to keep myself "on the level" at an extremely important juncture in my life. There is a bajillion things happening right now in my life (literally just narrowly avoided being homeless) and my heart is being a big baby bitch over a relationship with two friends. Not technically romantic, at best I'm a Hanekawa in the relationship between an Araragi and a Senjougahara. Meanwhile my brain struggles to bonk my heart back in place and deal with things that will delineate and shape my immediate and near future.
Mental me knows I need to buckle up and stay the course.
Heart me is ready to just crumble, even though I thought I hardened the fuck up with a year away from these people.
... but in the end, I come back and they're the same, everything I loved about them and made me fall for them in the first place. It's still there. I never fell out of love. I just bottled it up the whole time.
I'm sorry this is vague as fuck. It's more of a vent anyway sorry.
The longest I go sober is like 2-3 days.
Sucks, the days I'm sober I'm just counting down the days working and being annoyed, I've been doing some walking but still, I have 0 motivation to do anything and wish I stayed asleep whenever I open my eyes.
Sucks, the days I'm sober I'm just counting down the days working and being annoyed, I've been doing some walking but still, I have 0 motivation to do anything and wish I stayed asleep whenever I open my eyes.
Isn’t that kind of a good thing? Because that is how the body works, it will fight like that against change, it won’t stay like that.
Probably, but I've toned it down a bit, the later I delay it the less I get to drink when I inevitably relapse.
You know what man. This shit worked.
I'm in love. It's that simple.
Thank you for this. It's so short and simple but damn.
I came clean with them. It's working. Things are smooth. Things are going well.
We heal. We move forward. Feelings acknowledged.
Thank you. I was wrong to beat up my own heart.
I went to a party last night with a bunch of friends.
All of us at 3am: this is a great party, let's stay till the end! I'm not tired anyway!
All of us at 4am: my back hurts, let's go home...
I hate getting older
All of us at 3am: this is a great party, let's stay till the end! I'm not tired anyway!
All of us at 4am: my back hurts, let's go home...
I hate getting older
My current big struggle which I want to vent about is... I really want to go big time into AI stuff, thinking OpenAI or Microsoft or otherwise someone that isn't stupid (honestly I think Google AI devs seem to have the right mindset, but it's Google, whereas OpenAI are koolaid drinking loonies but they have a lot of passion...?)
I'd just rather be working with a technology I know is the most important technology of the millenium outside of my free time. The issue is I didn't study data science, and frankly thought not much would come of AI tech up until recent times. I've contributed to some AI community code, trained and released some models, etc. But I feel that I need to really increase my rigor if I want to be like a top AI guy. In fact I know exactly what I have to do, but the issue is having time!
My current job, which is very much not AI related, and at best we have some devs now dabbling in using 3rd party tools, has me writing so many rigorous tests and wading through spaghetti code and mainly I'm not enjoying the type of stuff I've been up to there lately.
It's quite possible things will change at my current job, as it shifts pretty frequently, I was on 4 different teams in the last year. It's just now I'm siloed into a shitty area with what is basically a 10x dev that either really doesn't understand a lot of what he does or doesn't care about the level of rigor we require.
With 2 kids, chores, household, and personal goals I'm trying to accomplish, while not going insane, it's hard to find the time to take my skills to the level I want them to be if I'm going to break it big making our future overlord.
I'd just rather be working with a technology I know is the most important technology of the millenium outside of my free time. The issue is I didn't study data science, and frankly thought not much would come of AI tech up until recent times. I've contributed to some AI community code, trained and released some models, etc. But I feel that I need to really increase my rigor if I want to be like a top AI guy. In fact I know exactly what I have to do, but the issue is having time!
My current job, which is very much not AI related, and at best we have some devs now dabbling in using 3rd party tools, has me writing so many rigorous tests and wading through spaghetti code and mainly I'm not enjoying the type of stuff I've been up to there lately.
It's quite possible things will change at my current job, as it shifts pretty frequently, I was on 4 different teams in the last year. It's just now I'm siloed into a shitty area with what is basically a 10x dev that either really doesn't understand a lot of what he does or doesn't care about the level of rigor we require.
With 2 kids, chores, household, and personal goals I'm trying to accomplish, while not going insane, it's hard to find the time to take my skills to the level I want them to be if I'm going to break it big making our future overlord.
RANTING/VENTING/CRYING
For over 3 weeks now, I'm mentally sick and emotionally rock bottom.
Work is unsatisfying and don't have the will to switch jobs. There is hardly anyone in office, and almost no one to talk to there. As a result, I've not gone outside of my home & work.
Even now I have no goals and unmet needs (no gf), and I don't think I'd be able to work for them anymore. I went from being hungry for female love to feeling nothing.
But the most hurtful of all, no one calls you or remembers you.
I think I understand mental sickness now. For over 3-4 years now when I started being social, I went out of my way to talk to as many people as possible. Even after college, during work I tried to connect to people from both my colleges in the city. Despite all of that, no one asked for me throughout this time! Only my mum did (love you mom).
(I think video game companions (Bioware games, Final Fantasy, Dragon Quest etc) are more trustworthy than real 'friends')
And no amount of reach out can help me currently. It will only make things worse, my mind won't accept any sympathies. I will have to cross this phase alone, possibly undoing many things I've built up in the past.
I HATE IT IN HERE.
I've signed out from Twitter too.
Apart from pre-existing toxicity and incorrigible behavior of "reactionaries" (terminally online people whose worldview revolves around what they see on internet, reacting incessantly and have no values or moral backbone or touch with reality), its also not a good place to neither vent out nor have good gaming discussion too.
Might get out of Instagram too. Hate seeing faces who don't even think of me.
For over 3 weeks now, I'm mentally sick and emotionally rock bottom.
Work is unsatisfying and don't have the will to switch jobs. There is hardly anyone in office, and almost no one to talk to there. As a result, I've not gone outside of my home & work.
Even now I have no goals and unmet needs (no gf), and I don't think I'd be able to work for them anymore. I went from being hungry for female love to feeling nothing.
But the most hurtful of all, no one calls you or remembers you.
I think I understand mental sickness now. For over 3-4 years now when I started being social, I went out of my way to talk to as many people as possible. Even after college, during work I tried to connect to people from both my colleges in the city. Despite all of that, no one asked for me throughout this time! Only my mum did (love you mom).
(I think video game companions (Bioware games, Final Fantasy, Dragon Quest etc) are more trustworthy than real 'friends')
And no amount of reach out can help me currently. It will only make things worse, my mind won't accept any sympathies. I will have to cross this phase alone, possibly undoing many things I've built up in the past.
I HATE IT IN HERE.
I've signed out from Twitter too.
Apart from pre-existing toxicity and incorrigible behavior of "reactionaries" (terminally online people whose worldview revolves around what they see on internet, reacting incessantly and have no values or moral backbone or touch with reality), its also not a good place to neither vent out nor have good gaming discussion too.
Might get out of Instagram too. Hate seeing faces who don't even think of me.
Update - A friend pushed me to come to his home. It turned out ok, well more than ok.
Watched movie (Bullet Train), made a friend, first time saw 4K resolution with PS5 and ate bad pizza with them.
I'm still not fully recovered but it is a start.
Seems like
Watched movie (Bullet Train), made a friend, first time saw 4K resolution with PS5 and ate bad pizza with them.
I'm still not fully recovered but it is a start.
Seems like
- I need to go out more and meet people (old, new)
- Have better quality food and on schedule
- Sleep longer
- Start any sort of physical activity
- Clean my room area and make things little orderly
- And if most of above get set, then focus on upskilling / switching job
Wanna add.
I'm so grateful this place exists
I'm so grateful this place exists
Ive honestly just been feeling worse about it the more time passes.
Got close to just killing myself end of last year because of all this bullshit.
I always tried the hardest to put kindness forward to these people, always listening to their problems, cooking for them, baking for them, making handmade gifts for them, but none of them are talking with me anymore. Im just insanely depressed at how unfair its all been. Everyone being mad at me and projecting their own beefs amongst each other onto me.
Im honestly just... not okay. Im not doing fine. And at this point im afraid i might never be alright again.
Its not just this situation. Im getting old. And just for once in my life, i wanna know what its like to have loved ones, people you can rely on being there. What its like to be part of a group and to belong.
Why am i not allowed to have this?
First i have parents that dont allow me to meet with anyone outside of schools, then i end up changing schools almost every 6 months and eventually got into a shitton of trouble with shitty people.
When i was finally getting some control of my life, i managed to make some friends, including one very wonderful person that's the closest someone's ever been to a brother to me but he just... killed himself. You know, the first time someone actually accepted me and made an effort to include me, to be there for me. He had such a vast impact on me, made me become a much less shitty person, made me actually try to care and be kind to others. But i wasn't even 20 when i had to bury him. The one person in 20 years that cared about me, and i had to put him into his fucking grave already so early.
And now after all this time i get this.
It's just not fair. Im not okay, im not doing fine and all the people that could help me, are entirely unwilling to.
All i need is a hug and a shoulder to cry on.
It pisses me to no end to see you hurting Hektor , and that goes for several other posters in this thread. It is not right for you all to feel this way. You merit to be happy, you deserve to not feel such misery in your personal life.
As much as this will feel like weak sauce advice, please consider your well being above these people Hektor, their are hurting you. Try to distance yourself from them, you had good times together and that’s great, but now this is only toxic. I promise you there are other wonderful people on this floating rock, we are billions after all.
Drop them. Breath. Think about you first.
You have a job ? You aren’t shy ? Then go out, socialize, go to whatever event picks your interest.
We are here for you, to hear you, to chat, to play. You deserves to be well, and that goes for everyone here, and I hurt to see you all in such pain.
As much as this will feel like weak sauce advice, please consider your well being above these people Hektor, their are hurting you. Try to distance yourself from them, you had good times together and that’s great, but now this is only toxic. I promise you there are other wonderful people on this floating rock, we are billions after all.
Drop them. Breath. Think about you first.
You have a job ? You aren’t shy ? Then go out, socialize, go to whatever event picks your interest.
We are here for you, to hear you, to chat, to play. You deserves to be well, and that goes for everyone here, and I hurt to see you all in such pain.
Most of them ive cut off by now.
Except for one person, who cut me off instead.
This is the one that bothers me the most.
She was the one who introduced me to the rest of the group, and was also clearly bothered by how everything fell apart and how everyone started to treat each other like shit. I miss her the most because i know that, unlike the rest, she's good people and wasn't at fault for most of it.
I feel you, but you can’t change her against her will. She chose a different path, making peace with it would spare you so much suffering. And this is not even saying she is a bad person, you neither, sometimes shit happens and all you can do is deal with it.
At the end of the day you count, and you have to take steps that are good for you.
You could write her your feelings on the matter, but even then be prepared to have to walk separate paths.
You had wonderful times with these people, be glad for it. It’s terribly unfortunate that it had to crash and burn, but, honestly, don’t tell me you won’t have other wonderful times with other wonderful people. That would be far too much idealization.
You reminded me of the absurd philosophy by Camus, Life is absurd, but the solution is not to end it, the only answer is to make your own answer, to make meaning where there is none. If those people don’t make you happy, you have to keep looking.
At the end of the day you count, and you have to take steps that are good for you.
You could write her your feelings on the matter, but even then be prepared to have to walk separate paths.
You had wonderful times with these people, be glad for it. It’s terribly unfortunate that it had to crash and burn, but, honestly, don’t tell me you won’t have other wonderful times with other wonderful people. That would be far too much idealization.
You reminded me of the absurd philosophy by Camus, Life is absurd, but the solution is not to end it, the only answer is to make your own answer, to make meaning where there is none. If those people don’t make you happy, you have to keep looking.
This little struggle had a quick turnaround. I am now working on AI at my old job.
Wasn't the biggest struggle but I was definitely feeling it, this will let be remain centered in my interests & career goals without disruption to my overly busy status quo.
congrats! 
Anyone have experience with wellbutrin? I'm going to ask my doc about it, either pairing it with my celexa or possibly going solo we'll see what happens.
I've been taking celexa (citalopram) for so long I can't even remember when I started, I'd wager it's been 10 years at least. I think it worked pretty well for a long time though I noticed around october I was having a hard time enjoying games (yeah I know cue the age old joke about me hating everything lol). I decided to quit it on my own as maybe it was blunting my emotions too much, not wise but I knew what I was in for and for about 2-3 weeks it was rough but then I cleared the withdrawal hurdle. And for a couple of months things were fine but maybe I was just having better luck playing stuff that clicked with me like Ragnarok and Harvestella.
This year though I got hit with a massive roadblock. Almost immediately as the year started I came down with a pretty nasty case of dry eye that as of this post we're still working through figuring out what happened. It's made playing, focusing on and enjoying games even harder and I was forced to go back on the celexa just to manage the crushing depression and frustration of that + the whole apathy thing in general. Right now I barely play anything, even thinking about playing stuff is usually unappealing in my head. It's so bad now that I think if FF7 Rebirth came out tomorrow I wouldn't want to play it lol. On top of the celexa possibly not working anymore (I could just be burned out on games I guess, but that notion terrifies me more tbh) I've grown tired of the persistent side effects that and SSRIs in general tend to have, so I've been looking up stuff and people seem to have rather good success with wellbutrin, sometimes by itself and sometimes paired with their SSRI too. It even seems to counter some of the side effects SSRIs have like weight gain and sexual side effects (though of course it has its own set of potential issues as all meds do).
Obviously all this antidepressant stuff varies from person to person but it can't hurt gauging opinions anyway.
I've been taking celexa (citalopram) for so long I can't even remember when I started, I'd wager it's been 10 years at least. I think it worked pretty well for a long time though I noticed around october I was having a hard time enjoying games (yeah I know cue the age old joke about me hating everything lol). I decided to quit it on my own as maybe it was blunting my emotions too much, not wise but I knew what I was in for and for about 2-3 weeks it was rough but then I cleared the withdrawal hurdle. And for a couple of months things were fine but maybe I was just having better luck playing stuff that clicked with me like Ragnarok and Harvestella.
This year though I got hit with a massive roadblock. Almost immediately as the year started I came down with a pretty nasty case of dry eye that as of this post we're still working through figuring out what happened. It's made playing, focusing on and enjoying games even harder and I was forced to go back on the celexa just to manage the crushing depression and frustration of that + the whole apathy thing in general. Right now I barely play anything, even thinking about playing stuff is usually unappealing in my head. It's so bad now that I think if FF7 Rebirth came out tomorrow I wouldn't want to play it lol. On top of the celexa possibly not working anymore (I could just be burned out on games I guess, but that notion terrifies me more tbh) I've grown tired of the persistent side effects that and SSRIs in general tend to have, so I've been looking up stuff and people seem to have rather good success with wellbutrin, sometimes by itself and sometimes paired with their SSRI too. It even seems to counter some of the side effects SSRIs have like weight gain and sexual side effects (though of course it has its own set of potential issues as all meds do).
Obviously all this antidepressant stuff varies from person to person but it can't hurt gauging opinions anyway.
My mom took it for a time, no complaints from her. That's all I got.
I started wellbutrin today so we'll see how it goes. I have to ween myself off of the other one too so I expect the next week or two are going to be....weird.
Yeah, I'm fucked on this. I take Prozac or some shit and looks like there are better treatments out there in the 21st century. But I can't (or the psy didn't want to) accumulate the two in some measure, complete weaning before taking new shit. I was to go slowly, progressively cutting some part of the pill.
10 days in I was near suicide watch level.
I took back my Prozac and left the psy.
Not my brightest moment, but weaning is no joke.
Yeah other SSRIs aren't supposed to be taken together so if you were assigned another one you have to fully detox first which I imagine is rough. Wellbutrin is a bit different since it's in a different category and it can go with SSRIs but in my case I'm quitting one and taking that, so it's a combo of possible withdrawal effects and anything a new med might do (so far I'm ok though 2 days in).
Although prozac itself isn't bad. If I had to be switched to another SSRI I was considering that one because while it has the same side effects as others do they seem to be on the lighter side. The annoying part is all this varies from person to person and there's no way to tell how it will benefit or hurt without trying it.
I went back to work after being unwell to get the news that there are going to be “re-deployments” (aka they need to cut headcounts in the department but don’t want to pay redundancy, so will move to a new area to try and bully you into quitting) across my directorate.
The union has found out they want to cut headcount by about 10% (about 100 people getting redeployed), whereas leadership told us earlier in the week that they didn’t know numbers.
My mental health does not need this. I’m trying to recover from a concussion and I come back hoping for an easy week, only for senior leadership team to throw a hand grenade into the lives of about 1000 people.
I’m very cross because they spend money like it’s water, with no sight for the future.
They went on a hiring spree last year (well over the 100 they now want to cut), and leadership has also organised a 4 day nationwide conference where they’re paying for us all to travel to another part of the country, stay at hotels, attend “events” (which have yet to be organised) so on.
Even worse, the head of my section was thinking of hiring an outside company to make a CG talking head model of themself to display at said conference. What a colossal waste of money!
A complete fucking omnishambles. It’s sad because I love my job, but this absolute fucking torment nexus of management can get in the fucking sea.
I just want to curl up in bed turn off the lights. Or go live in the woods and whittle things to keep me occupied.
The union has found out they want to cut headcount by about 10% (about 100 people getting redeployed), whereas leadership told us earlier in the week that they didn’t know numbers.
My mental health does not need this. I’m trying to recover from a concussion and I come back hoping for an easy week, only for senior leadership team to throw a hand grenade into the lives of about 1000 people.
I’m very cross because they spend money like it’s water, with no sight for the future.
They went on a hiring spree last year (well over the 100 they now want to cut), and leadership has also organised a 4 day nationwide conference where they’re paying for us all to travel to another part of the country, stay at hotels, attend “events” (which have yet to be organised) so on.
Even worse, the head of my section was thinking of hiring an outside company to make a CG talking head model of themself to display at said conference. What a colossal waste of money!
A complete fucking omnishambles. It’s sad because I love my job, but this absolute fucking torment nexus of management can get in the fucking sea.
I just want to curl up in bed turn off the lights. Or go live in the woods and whittle things to keep me occupied.
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I’m a public sector worker, which makes all of the above even worse.
Today is the 2 week mark since I started wellbutrin so I thought I'd give a progress update in case anyone may want to try it in the future. Keep in mind this stuff affects everyone differently so don't put too much stock into my experience. I would say overall it's been a mixed experience and definitely not the miracle drug the internet seemed to make it out to be but I'm still in the period where your body is adjusting to it so things will hopefully improve.
PROS
-I'm able to play some games now. It's not many, and I'm still bored even thinking about most games, but 2 weeks ago I felt that way about every game. Literally everything. I didn't want to play or read about or think about games. I still count this as progress as most sites said restoring interest in activities can take 6-8 weeks or even longer.
-I've lost 3-4 pounds so far. This is actually a little frustrating because I've lost more in 2 weeks with a pill than I've been able to in the last 2 months of busting my ass on ring fit lol. A bit of weight loss is apparently common for this (an avg of 5lbs or so) and no one's really sure why. There's theories that it's because it changes your appetite but I have eaten the same stuff and at the same frequencies as before. Eating was never really my issue regarding weight gain it was mostly inactivity.
-I seem to have avoided some of the bigger potential side efffects of this like increased irritability and anxiety.
CONS
-It made me a bit dizzy. This is a common side effect that usually goes away in 1-2 weeks and in the last ~4 days I have felt it getting gradually better so hopefully in the next week it'll be gone completely.
-There's a moderate to high level of constipation. Another common side effect that I believe started worse for me since I also had celexa in my system and I've been weening myself off of it. The past week has gotten better but I would still rate it at about the same level that celexa had me at. So look at using something like metamucil to go with this.
-There's still some sexual side effects with this. It's noticeably better than SSRI for sure, but I'm listing this as a con because most places I read said it has none or even increases libido. So this was a little disappointing. I'm thinking maybe some of these sites were comparing it to SSRI instead of someone who is going into this with nothing. Who knows though maybe it'll keep improving.
UNKNOWN
-In the last 5 days my sleep pattern has been dreadful. I'm waking up every 30 minutes sometimes after getting a couple of hours of steady sleep. I have no idea if this is related to wellbutrin or not. Most sites said this is actually supposed to improve your sleep in the first week or two. Safe to say that part didn't happen lol.
So yeah definitely mixed so far but there's some encouraging signs here. I should also note I didn't get other listed benefits either like increased energy or focus. I don't care enough to list those as a negative though. I'm hoping in the next 2 weeks there will be substantial improvement here.
PROS
-I'm able to play some games now. It's not many, and I'm still bored even thinking about most games, but 2 weeks ago I felt that way about every game. Literally everything. I didn't want to play or read about or think about games. I still count this as progress as most sites said restoring interest in activities can take 6-8 weeks or even longer.
-I've lost 3-4 pounds so far. This is actually a little frustrating because I've lost more in 2 weeks with a pill than I've been able to in the last 2 months of busting my ass on ring fit lol. A bit of weight loss is apparently common for this (an avg of 5lbs or so) and no one's really sure why. There's theories that it's because it changes your appetite but I have eaten the same stuff and at the same frequencies as before. Eating was never really my issue regarding weight gain it was mostly inactivity.
-I seem to have avoided some of the bigger potential side efffects of this like increased irritability and anxiety.
CONS
-It made me a bit dizzy. This is a common side effect that usually goes away in 1-2 weeks and in the last ~4 days I have felt it getting gradually better so hopefully in the next week it'll be gone completely.
-There's a moderate to high level of constipation. Another common side effect that I believe started worse for me since I also had celexa in my system and I've been weening myself off of it. The past week has gotten better but I would still rate it at about the same level that celexa had me at. So look at using something like metamucil to go with this.
-There's still some sexual side effects with this. It's noticeably better than SSRI for sure, but I'm listing this as a con because most places I read said it has none or even increases libido. So this was a little disappointing. I'm thinking maybe some of these sites were comparing it to SSRI instead of someone who is going into this with nothing. Who knows though maybe it'll keep improving.
UNKNOWN
-In the last 5 days my sleep pattern has been dreadful. I'm waking up every 30 minutes sometimes after getting a couple of hours of steady sleep. I have no idea if this is related to wellbutrin or not. Most sites said this is actually supposed to improve your sleep in the first week or two. Safe to say that part didn't happen lol.
So yeah definitely mixed so far but there's some encouraging signs here. I should also note I didn't get other listed benefits either like increased energy or focus. I don't care enough to list those as a negative though. I'm hoping in the next 2 weeks there will be substantial improvement here.
So I'm recovering from 10 day-long Chickenpox but staying in isolation wrecked my mental health again.
Not even games are enjoyable these days. I cant take this...
This comes after I already had a near mental breakdown at start of month.
Not even games are enjoyable these days. I cant take this...
To be honest, I'm kind of all out of effort, not sure what to do really.
I'm so frustrated that I can't find another job. I've spent hours on courses for C#, ASP.NET, Entity Framework etc, but what I need now is a job where I can use this knowledge in a real life project.
Problem is that companies don't want to hire me because I have no professional experience in .NET. How am I supposed to get any experience this way?
Problem is that companies don't want to hire me because I have no professional experience in .NET. How am I supposed to get any experience this way?
Just curious if you have other software development experience. If any company is rejecting someone over lack of framework or language experience, they probably aren't worth working at.
I've been working with Visual Basic and T-SQL during the past 20 years. Most of the software that our customers are using are still VB desktop apps.
While those apps are pretty big and complex, VB is not object-oriented nor domain-driven, which makes my experience completely worthless for companies developing modern web applications in .NET and JS frameworks like React or Angular.
Eh I can understand not hiring you as project lead or architect but unemployable seems like utter madness. I feel like even speaking of the concept of domain driven design is a tier of consideration beyond the majority of developers (wholly).
I head a Teams chat with a recruiter today, and she said exactly the same thing. It makes no sense, especially since developer is high on the most wanted job list in my country.
I finally got a job proposal today, for developing apps for a HR company in low-code (Pega). They are prepared to train me and offered a good salary and a brand new car. But... it's in another city, which means I would be on the road for over 3 hours a day. In other words: I would be able to buy lots of games, but have no free time to play them.
I suggest bagging another offer using the previous offer as bargining chip. That's how people switch jobs here in my place.I head a Teams chat with a recruiter today, and she said exactly the same thing. It makes no sense, especially since developer is high on the most wanted job list in my country.
I finally got a job proposal today, for developing apps for a HR company in low-code (Pega). They are prepared to train me and offered a good salary and a brand new car. But... it's in another city, which means I would be on the road for over 3 hours a day. In other words: I would be able to buy lots of games, but have no free time to play them.
If getting a rented room is not an issue and the workplace actually turns out to be good/interesting, you should move to that place.
I don't think my wife and daughter would agree with that. But if I was single, I would definitely move.
I seriously don't know how to handle my latest breakup, it was something that I didn't even think could exist let alone ever experiences, so now that its over it feels like it left such a deep existential scar that it is messing me immensely.
If you feel like venting out, go ahead.
it wont completely heal but might lessen the burden.
My god I’m so fed up with work.
I said 2 months ago that I loved my job, but the changes they announced (and still haven’t fully implemented) have shifted my thinking.
I just want out now. I’m fed up. I’m definitely someone where, if you lose me you’ve lost me. And it feels like I’ve reached that point.
I’m not even scared I’ll get redeployed. I’m probably in the top 10% highest performers and that stupid shitty expensive conference I mentioned last time had an awards ceremony at the end, where I won one of them. I’m fine.
But I just feel appalled at how it’s been handled and I’m just fucking fed up of all this shit. I don’t give a single solitary fuck about my current project and I want to see the back of that department.
I said 2 months ago that I loved my job, but the changes they announced (and still haven’t fully implemented) have shifted my thinking.
I just want out now. I’m fed up. I’m definitely someone where, if you lose me you’ve lost me. And it feels like I’ve reached that point.
I’m not even scared I’ll get redeployed. I’m probably in the top 10% highest performers and that stupid shitty expensive conference I mentioned last time had an awards ceremony at the end, where I won one of them. I’m fine.
But I just feel appalled at how it’s been handled and I’m just fucking fed up of all this shit. I don’t give a single solitary fuck about my current project and I want to see the back of that department.
I'm not in the best place right now. No social life, no friends, no job, no future. I don't have the will power to do anything.
I suggest you focus on getting a job first. Don't be afraid to do additional education when necessary; it was crucial for me to get a well paid job. Many companies are only looking at experience, but enthusiasm and the will to learn are helping a lot with certain companies, especially in the health care sector.
As soon as you have a job, you can work on your social life. Getting to know your colleagues is a great start.
Just... don't give up. A few months ago things were looking hopeless for me, but there's a solution for every problem.