To be honest i think that's kinda sad. Gifts aren't handouts or pity, they are a sign of appreciation!!!
I think you need to get over your desire to pay back, especially when you feel like it's something you must do.
It's supposed to be fun and to make you feel good!
Personally, the few times in life i received gifts always make me really happy bean and i love to share that Feeling with other people occasionally.
But you feeling "tortured" by it means one can't doi that cos i wouldn't wanna make ya feel bad.
Why do people have to be so complicated