Support Come and load off your mental struggles

Swenhir

Spaceships!
Apr 18, 2019
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I hope I didn’t give the sentiment that iSee owed us anything and it’s me caring so much about this topic that makes me feel somehow involved when you mention it, people.
I felt the same way, I was worried a lot. To be blunt, I thought he'd died from covid. But saying that you resent his silence, to me, puts the emotional pressure on him to feel guilty about his not coming here and I don't think that was fair. People should be free to come and go and I feel like we have to live with them having that freedom.
 

Li Kao

It’s a strange world. Let’s keep it that way.
Jan 28, 2019
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I felt the same way, I was worried a lot. To be blunt, I thought he'd died from covid. But saying that you resent his silence, to me, puts the emotional pressure on him to feel guilty about his not coming here and I don't think that was fair. People should be free to come and go and I feel like we have to live with them having that freedom.
So it’s what I feared. I won’t OT the thread further. My feelings about this are raw and I don’t think you did a charitable reading of the resentment part for what it’s worth.

- edit -
I just had the most lovely discussion with Swenhir on Discord. POVs were exchanged, emotions were untangled, we were just raw for different reasons. I'm glad I could settle things up with my friend. Some rare times, even a message board as great as Meta has its limits to convey the nuances in our heart.
 
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Swenhir

Spaceships!
Apr 18, 2019
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I have been having a really, really rough time of it for the past month and I think I am contemplating taking a break from Meta.

I don't know if it is social media in general or something in the air but I am so done with feeling awful because of it. The string of discussions I had lately just drained me of any pleasure I felt at visiting this place which had grown thin at it was. I find myself dreading another round of it more than desiring the company of like-minded, mature and warm people.

This used to be a place that made me smile and it isn't anymore of late. Maybe it's me and the trauma, the flashbacks building up after two years trapped in this country that darkens my outlook. Maybe it is just burnout from other social interactions in other places. I don't know. I know I feel like I am feeling increasingly afraid of posting anything instead of looking forward to sharing things I love. I just see more and more things that harken back to Era, to reddit and a lack of compassion and I lack the energy to try to help.

Sorry for the slightly pointless post but I needed to at least try and articulate this.
 

Le Pertti

31.57% Steam Boy 100% Xbox Bro
Oct 10, 2018
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Swenhir Never feel bad about sharing things you love, even if there are others that don't see it that way, don't let that take anything away from what you feel about it and keep sharing. We need that! Everything means different things to different people and that is something we also need in a community.

It is ok to take a break and MC will still be here, but I do hope you come back and find us nerds lovable again. :cat-heart-blob:
 

Li Kao

It’s a strange world. Let’s keep it that way.
Jan 28, 2019
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I had trouble formulating a reply but Le Pertti did it great !
I'm sorry you feel that way, and if the triggering moment was your recent argument about SC, I don't see why you can't just, not even agree to disagree, more like be at peace with the fact other people don't share your POV on the subject and move on. BUT that's an external point of view and I'm sure it's oversimplifying your feelings.
So yeah, I really don't like you taking a break, but if taking a break means a positive evolution to your well being, and open the chance for you to come back happier, then so be it.

I hate losing a friend to negativity, but you being and feeling well is paramount :cat-heart-blob:
 

Swenhir

Spaceships!
Apr 18, 2019
3,534
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I had trouble formulating a reply but Le Pertti did it great !
I'm sorry you feel that way, and if the triggering moment was your recent argument about SC, I don't see why you can't just, not even agree to disagree, more like be at peace with the fact other people don't share your POV on the subject and move on. BUT that's an external point of view and I'm sure it's oversimplifying your feelings.
So yeah, I really don't like you taking a break, but if taking a break means a positive evolution to your well being, and open the chance for you to come back happier, then so be it.

I hate losing a friend to negativity, but you being and feeling well is paramount :cat-heart-blob:
Thank you for the kind words. I just have many thoughts and feelings on the question and they have been building up for the past few months.

The issue is that agreeing to disagree applies to opinions. This is about facts, which many people have been arguing in a really bad fashion about, even going into gaslighting territory in many cases. It gets to me because I have been bullied before and such behavior is one that I fled from on Era and other places. The feeling of knowing the truth for a fact and seeing people here, of all places, just repeat what trolls and people with ill-intent have been deliberately spreading with paper-thin logic behind it is incredibly disheartening.

This is how many of us felt about the EGS and Epic's exclusivity practices in the gaming mainstream and Era, feeling like we were taking crazy pills while others weren't listening to our arguments. This is a very similar and depressing situation for me. This project is something I care about. While I wouldn't care as much about the same problems for another topic, this one really got to me.

What really is pushing me away is the tone of these debates. Meta used to be a place where we at least tried to be nice to each other, to entertain each others' thoughts and be good to each other. The past few months have felt like more often than not, it was emotionally exhausting for me to even think of engaging in discussions because of how the initial opinion was phrased.

The straw that broke the camel's back have been these interactions where I try to argue as kindly and as logically as I can, taking my own emotions out of the equation to be fair and respectful to the person sitting across me while people barely read anything I wrote and reciprocated with often illogical arguments and intensely unpleasant tone and language. Even when assuming I may be wrong, positions were stated with so little nuance that I just couldn't agree with their conclusions even as I entertained their points. It felt as it getting a gotcha was all that mattered. I came out of last night feeling like a wrung-out punching bag.

At a deeper level, there's also the fact that it echoes my own unhappy experience with bullying, with people just repeating what others are saying with flimsy reasoning behind their words. Even if I can understand some of their perspective, I feel really unsettled with how little empathy has been extended to me, to at least to find the one point we disagree on as a sanity check to leave the discussion while feeling like we still respected each other.

It pretty much echoes my own growing unease at Meta for the last couple months, that our maturity and warmth has gone down while people are getting less and less concerned with caring about each other. This is how reddit and social media is and I came to Meta to escape that. I hope that makes sense.
 

ISee

Oh_no!
Mar 1, 2019
3,220
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Swenhir
Sometimes a break from social media is a good idea. I'm sorry that you feel like Meta is on a downstream, I can't say much about it though as I have been absent myself for a longer period. Personally, I've chosen to not get involved in social media disputes. It's not something I am able to handle currently.


Just know, if you want to talk or let loose about the theatrical ERA Star Citizen Thread (or anything else). Contact me, Ive been rolling my eyes about some of the comments too.

Is it a time miss managed project? Maybe, one can be too ambitious imo, It's something that I often see young engineers struggle with.
Is it doing incredibly impressive things? Hell yeah.
Would I like to get SQ42 sooner then later? HELL YEAH!
Is it a scam? Nope.

(The guy loving Tie-Fighter, also loves Wing Commander, Privateer and is excited for SC/SQ42.... very surprising. I know!)

Personally, I've spend 60 or 80€ on the game 10(?) years ago (I really do not even remember).

You can pm me here,
use discord or my google email
(the same goes for everybody else on meta)

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Or I see you some time later, when you decide to come back. May it be a week or longer.
 
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Le Pertti

31.57% Steam Boy 100% Xbox Bro
Oct 10, 2018
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Hektor I have encountered that so many times with women who I have a new acquaintance with and getting to know each other, talking about all the things we want to do together in the future and then it all just disappears. I have learned to always take those things as just fantasies. Until there are actual concrete plans.

Really sucks that all that came crashing down around you.:(
 
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TrishaKit

The Recusant's Sigil
Aug 11, 2021
42
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I really just do not know if I'll ever be able to be happy when it comes to work.
I went to college for Computer Science because I wanted to be a game developer and thought it might help me learn to code, but about 3 years into it I realized I didn't enjoy coding. Part of this was due to the poor way the school handled teaching it; we were taught Python for Intro and Intermediate Programming and then in the next hardest class, Data Structures, we had to learn C++ in a week in order to prepare for the class's harder content. This completely destroyed my ability to learn, and from then on I just barely scraped by.
After finishing college and getting my degree I went on to work in IT; I figured I'd still get to work with computers and wouldn't worry about not knowing how to code well.
But after about 2 years in this job I'm realizing...I just kinda dread everything I do. I don't want to come to an office to work. I don't want to listen to my awful boss. I don't want to work directly with people to help their extremely easy problems. I often fantasize about quitting, but what could I do? I have no real skills or talents, just a degree without the coding knowledge to back it up. I can't think of any particular job I'd even want to do, but the idea of living my whole life doing something I loathe doing whilst a boss being able to take away my income at any moment should they choose is just...dreadfully depressing.
 
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Anteater

Giant Pikamee Fan
Sep 20, 2018
953
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Been feeling really bad lately. I almost feel like I only have 2 out of 7 days where I'm feeling "normal". I don't think there's a really a particular cause or anything other than just waking up on the wrong side of the bed, I know it's a thing that'll come and go, but it really keeps putting me in a bad spot and I can't stop myself from self reflecting, and comparing myself to others, being envious isn't something I need right now nor will help me improve as a human being, at most it'd just lead me to be toxic to other people and burning myself out, I know that, but my brain keep heading towards that direction little by little and the only thing I could do is to drop everything I do, and I haven't been doing anything productive for the past 2 weeks.

I don't really talk to people much because I don't think any amount of talk would really help, I don't want to get into the habit to beg people to say positive things about me to keep me feeling better about myself, it would just make me feel worse after.

So yeah I just wanted to say some things into the void I guess. Thanks for reading!
 

NarohDethan

日本語の学生
Apr 6, 2019
6,448
15,553
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Been talking a bit about how being on my PC greatly affects my mood. I’ve really grown to hate the feeling of ‘idleness’ of just being in front of a computer, just staring at endless tweets and a list of games that I’m not in the mood of playing.

I’m still stumbling but I’ve been prolonging the time I’m not using my computer with simple, mundane stuff such as making my bed and cleaning around the room/house but that does so much for my mental health.

Been using my Xbox much more because you can’t really go ‘idle’ in front of a console - you either use it or don’t, unless you’re one those weirdos that visits Pornhub on them.

I also uninstalled most of social networking apps from my phone so I’m not tempted to look at them when it’s bed time. I sleep much better now.
 

Anteater

Giant Pikamee Fan
Sep 20, 2018
953
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I don't really have much work this month, I'm freelance so I don't really make anything if I don't clock in hours. I have some money saved up from last year (I had to work a lot because of covid, the company was doing bad so we have to work longer hours but I'm thankful I got a ton of work, but it also wore me down a bit, but at the least I could say I deserved some rest) so I should be okay, but that nagging feeling kind of suck, because who knows what happens next month, and I'm too tired to think about it.

I told myself I'd take this as an opportunity to rest and do something for myself, but I'm just wasting my time sitting around daily. I did start running but it's not really helping much with motivation. I just want to sleep the rest of the day. I tried to do something creative like drawing again but all it does is put me in a bad mood.

Also my stupid neighbors are doing constructions to their apartment daily, all I could hear is drilling, it's driving me insane.
 
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Li Kao

It’s a strange world. Let’s keep it that way.
Jan 28, 2019
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Meh, this post is gonna be whinny and very first world problem, childish too. Read at your own risk, but please don’t hate me. I just want to be loved. It’s all I ever wanted.

So I have never bought less games in order to be able to afford a Deck and course correct the sinking ship that was our finance. I just made a budget through March 2022 and it could indeed be worse. The Deck is funded if I can 4xPaypal it and the situation could be far worse.
Two things that could throw a serious wrench : the food budget is underestimated, food price us becoming horrible, and the heating bill in the new year. Last year was ruinous and they already announced a price hike. Cool.

Then I realized Switch Oled is releasing in two days, and nope, can’t put it in the budget in any sensible way. I don’t really care for the switch, but would really love to be able to play SMTV. Other games too, but again, not really affordable.

So I came to the conclusion that I need an income, a job. That lead me, as always, to contemplate my failed existence. And I’m now super down. I’m so tired of not being able to waste some money sometimes, to buy things on a whim. I’m so tired of being a failure without a job, with no future to speak of.
You could say that the Deck is already enough of a guilty pleasure, you would certainly be right. I would just argue that with the no purchase policy I’ve been living through, I fucking earned it.

Just being able to burn some money. Having an income. Knowing people, going out a little. Meet someone ? Not live in the certainty that if anything happens to my mom I may as well hang myself.
It would certainly be nice.
 
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NarohDethan

日本語の学生
Apr 6, 2019
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Just being able to burn some money. Having an income. Knowing people, going out a little. Meet someone ? Not live in the certainty that if anything happens to my mom I may as well hang myself.
It would certainly be nice.
You very clearly need professional help, please reach for it.
 
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Li Kao

It’s a strange world. Let’s keep it that way.
Jan 28, 2019
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You very clearly need professional help, please reach for it.
Yes and no. I mean obviously yes, no argument from me, but what can be read as a very dark musing of a terrible act was not meant to imply that. I’m not suicidal, I love living, even a shitty life. I’m just realist about my prospects if my situation doesn’t change and I have to live on the streets.
It’s not a ‘I’m tired with life’ thing, it’s a ‘I will be completely fucked’ thing.

Just a precision because in broader terms, I can’t say you are wrong.
 

NarohDethan

日本語の学生
Apr 6, 2019
6,448
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So it’s been a couple of days since I deleted all my social media accounts. I don’t miss them but I’m struggling to fill my time I used to browse them with actually useful stuff.
 
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Le Pertti

31.57% Steam Boy 100% Xbox Bro
Oct 10, 2018
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pertti.fr
So it’s been a couple of days since I deleted all my social media accounts. I don’t miss them but I’m struggling to fill my time I used to browse them with actually useful stuff.
Try writing. Doesn't have to be about anything, just write what you think about different stuff. I find that amazing use of my time. I'm on my sixth notebook now!