|OT| Dating Thread | One right swap at the time

Trisolarian

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Try to take it slow if you can. A lotta movement on the dating front in just a months time!
 

Trisolarian

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Yeah you are right, I try to remind myself that everything has been kind of crazy. I've been jumping into and out of things without a second thought.
Don't be hard on yourself, dating can get wild. On the one hand, meeting the kids after three weeks is fast but there are no hard rules (or really any absolute rules beyond treating people like their human).....
 

Monooboe

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Don't be hard on yourself, dating can get wild. On the one hand, meeting the kids after three weeks is fast but there are no hard rules (or really any absolute rules beyond treating people like their human).....
Hell it isn't even three weeks, I met her first on monday! Haha. But we have met most days this week and video called alot. Sure she isn't taking me home to meet the kids just yet. I think the thing is that on my dating profile I do write that I'm looking for something serious and that means starting a family, so many of those I've dated have kind of jumped over basic dating stuff and to just have real talk from the get go. In the end it all comes down to chemistry either way.
 
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Hektor

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So, if your approach got shut down, but very nicely, because the person in question says she's rather busy at the moment, assuming she was busy for reals and not just trying to be nice, what would be the appropiate time to ask again? For context, work and moving was the mentioned reasons.
 

Monooboe

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So, if your approach got shut down, but very nicely, because the person in question says she's rather busy at the moment, assuming she was busy for reals and not just trying to be nice, what would be the appropiate time to ask again? For context, work and moving was the mentioned reasons.
Hmh I would say turning someone down is final, meaning she used those as reasons but not the reason. If she wanted she would have said raincheck.
 
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NarohDethan

NarohDethan

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Haha pretty much. It's the one most important things I go after when dating. After awhile it gets so much easier to sort through those you know just won't become anything.
Yeah, in my experience, relationships that started with a platonic online crush have never ended well for me.
 
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NarohDethan

NarohDethan

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I just made peace with the fact that I’ll be single forever, and that it is all right. I’m both very picky and uncompromising so I might as well not waste anyone else’s time.
 

Monooboe

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I just made peace with the fact that I’ll be single forever, and that it is all right. I’m both very picky and uncompromising so I might as well not waste anyone else’s time.
I've said this before, but you need the practise, so dont look for THE LOVE but just to get comfortable being with someone. You cant hit a home run on your first try. Lets say you manage to find your dream girl and actually get into a relationship, because you dont have enough experience.

Like for me, I dont that much who a person is enough to meet them, sometimes theres instant chemistry eventhough we have nothing incommon nor was she my type. But after every one I meet the more comfortable I get in my own skin and less fixated I get on someone and it leads to more natural connection because there is less projection and expectations.
 
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NarohDethan

NarohDethan

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I've said this before, but you need the practise, so dont look for THE LOVE but just to get comfortable being with someone. You cant hit a home run on your first try. Lets say you manage to find your dream girl and actually get into a relationship, because you dont have enough experience.

Like for me, I dont that much who a person is enough to meet them, sometimes theres instant chemistry eventhough we have nothing incommon nor was she my type. But after every one I meet the more comfortable I get in my own skin and less fixated I get on someone and it leads to more natural connection because there is less projection and expectations.
I think its just that I’m not willing to go through that process, I like being on my own a bit too much I’m afraid :/
 

Hektor

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I just made peace with the fact that I’ll be single forever, and that it is all right. I’m both very picky and uncompromising so I might as well not waste anyone else’s time.
I often feel similar, altho picky might not be the correct term, (because that implies a certain degree of shallowness) but rather that i just like a particular kind of person only.

Altho, i've been chatting with someone a bit online (not through a dating app mind you) and i plan to ask her out again at a later point. Maybe I'll get lucky and she says yes :H02shrug: But i'm not optimistic

I wouldn't say you are wasting anybodys time trying tho, even if you don't up together, if you are having a nice evening or a few, it's not a waste i would say?

Like personally, if i knew she enjoyed spending the day with me, even if she doesn't end up being romantically interested, i'd still be happy with myself.
At least that's the goal i am setting for myself - just having a nice day.

Well that's the theory at least, im lacking opportunities to put it into practice.
 
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NarohDethan

NarohDethan

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I've said this before, but you need the practise, so dont look for THE LOVE but just to get comfortable being with someone. You cant hit a home run on your first try. Lets say you manage to find your dream girl and actually get into a relationship, because you dont have enough experience.

Like for me, I dont that much who a person is enough to meet them, sometimes theres instant chemistry eventhough we have nothing incommon nor was she my type. But after every one I meet the more comfortable I get in my own skin and less fixated I get on someone and it leads to more natural connection because there is less projection and expectations.
You know, I’ve been thinking about what you said in this posts for a few days. Thank you. I’ll try a thing or two to improve myself.
 
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Monooboe

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Think I need to take a break from dating and build on myself. It might come from the manosphere, but hypergamy very much is a thing, every serious date that had the potential to become more told me as much, that they are looking for someone much better than them at all aspects of life and since I dont have a steady job then it went as it went.

I thought if someone would love me then all would solve itself but even when girls fall in love with me they choose someone else because of what he can provide.

It is what it is and I understand, its a reality of living in capitalistic society and in uncertain times:
 
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NarohDethan

NarohDethan

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Speaking of finding friends on dating apps, on bumble there is that "friend mode" so you can match with guys too who also are looking for friends and I tried that once but man it felt just so creepy matching with someone for friendship so I "yikesed" out of there quick haha.
Yup, I tried it a bit and nah.
Do women in other country have ‘NOT LOOKING FOR SEX’ all over their bio? 9 out of 10 here have that.
 

Monooboe

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Yup, I tried it a bit and nah.
Do women in other country have ‘NOT LOOKING FOR SEX’ all over their bio? 9 out of 10 here have that.
Yeah they do, or they word it as "looking for serious only", I've mostly seen that on badoo but on bumble I'm surprised to see most write they aren't sure what they are looking for.

That said, even if they are looking for serious many have been quick to jump into bed either way and then moved on.

What those warnings really mean is that they don't want their inboxes full with horny messages and rather have a real connection, but everyone(ish) wants sex.
 
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NarohDethan

NarohDethan

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Yeah they do, or they word it as "looking for serious only", I've mostly seen that on badoo but on bumble I'm surprised to see most write they aren't sure what they are looking for.

That said, even if they are looking for serious many have been quick to jump into bed either way and then moved on.

What those warnings really mean is that they don't want their inboxes full with horny messages and rather have a real connection, but everyone(ish) wants sex.
Yeah, I guess some folks can't help themselves with the dick pics
No new matches this week, so eh :p
 
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Monooboe

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Jesus, my ex just called and talked about how she needed a man and how I wasn't one just because I don't have a steady job or can pay out of pocket for an education. And the insult that I just want an easy life because I want to find state financing for an education. Like that is easier, all the people I need to know and all the meetings I have to have. Like beeing poor is ever easy. Not to mention everything I had to go through to be here.

I just can't anymore. It's the same thing with every girl I've dated.
 

Li Kao

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That reminds me of the time I told someone (who ? psy, social worker ? no idea) that it's no use for me to look for a girlfriend because my life is in such shambles that no sane woman would approach with a ten foot pole. That, and it's not a criticism, I can understand that need, you need a little stability, income, etc to be attractive to someone that want to construct something, especially in mid-life.
Rose tinted bullshit about love ensued.
To which I had trouble not answering with an audible 'my ass' :disapproval-blob:
 

Monooboe

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Lol why do I keep trying, started talking with someone and we got along great and made plans to have a picnic but she changes plans to go out for dinner instead and since I have to pay for everything I said nothing too fancy since I don't have a lot of money and she starts going on about "what are your short term and long term career plans!?" "Career is the most important part of my life". Fair enough, but what does my career have anything to do with your?
 
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Monooboe

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Why?

Also, a picnic outside sounds like a better plan than going for dinner to a restaurant in the COVID context.
Yeah I very much prefer a simple first date, coffee or a drink. And as to why the man has to pay for dinner, well that's a discussion that has been going on for decades but usually it's just the way it is.
 
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NarohDethan

NarohDethan

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Ended up still going that date today! Of course not a restaurant instead we went to the forest and shared a bottle of wine. Was nice! But did also feel like a job interview. She did say she would keep pushing me, so let's see if that means she wants to see me again.
The older I've grown, the more direct and 'interrogating' the dates feel lol
 
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Monooboe

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My life seriously. The one I was on a date yesterday wanted to come and spend the night with me but since she makes me feel so insecure I told her she can't come to my place.(even though others have slept over before) So instead we blew our plans and I will go on another date with someone else tomorrow.
 

Hektor

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Felt like this all weekend



So, i asked that girl out i had posted about earlier. Through the help of a self-made Ace Attorney video :H02horns:

I thought "I'm just gonna shoot my shot and be done with it when she says no"

well

Her answer was, that she really liked the video (yay!!) and that she think's i'm a pretty funny guy (wowser!!) and if it were not for a certain circumstance™ (oh no) she would give me a chance (HOLY SHIT!)

So that's why i've been rolling around all weekend (literally too)

Because damn, she's like so completely out of my league i never expected that i could have an actual chance there, so hearing that she would give me one if certain things weren't the way they were made me immensely happy, BUT precisely because she says that i'm also a little bit more sad about this than i would be about a hard no because it feels like losing the lottery by a single digit. OH WELL.

She explitictly told me that'd she be willing to go on a date with me depending on how those circumstances™ evolve, but that wouldn't be before the end of the year.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up, and kinda wishing it won't happen because technically, the circumstances™ going to my advantage would be to her disadvantage and i wouldn't want to wish such a thing on her, but MAN, I WISH I COULD JUST FREEZE MYSELF UNTIL EARLY NEXT YEAR TO FIND OUT

:h02excite: :h02excite: :h02excite: :h02excite: :h02excite: :h02excite: :h02excite: :h02excite: :h02excite:

Only tangentially related, but this story tells me most definitely to keep dating apps uninstalled.
Because even though i should have no chance with her AND that she said no/not atm AND that we didnt even meet through a dating environment, despite all these factors, this experience is so much more positive, and joyful, and confidence building than anything that ever happened on these trashy apps.

For the first time in years, i actually do not feel undatable.
Crazy!!

But seriously tho, she's so friendly and fun, and talented, and engaging, and stunningly beautiful, i can't believe she's even at all willing to talk with me.
 

Hektor

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GOD I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE SINCE SATURDAY ASFHASHFAHFOHAF

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE THIS