Support Come and load off your mental struggles

Monooboe

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Oct 10, 2018
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Ugh got a letter from the swedis student debt office. Downside to no longer being homeless, people can now find me haha. I'm in a quite good place now mentally, so I don't dare open the letter, because everytime I've genuinly thought about suicide it was because of debt.

I have to open it sooner or later but I just have to be ready to crash completely.
 

Swenhir

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Apr 18, 2019
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Ugh got a letter from the swedis student debt office. Downside to no longer being homeless, people can now find me haha. I'm in a quite good place now mentally, so I don't dare open the letter, because everytime I've genuinly thought about suicide it was because of debt.

I have to open it sooner or later but I just have to be ready to crash completely.
I feel sincerely sorry for you. This kind of automated mail tends to be dreadfully condescending, denigrating and authoritarian, which is designed to shame and make you feel helpless. It's bullshit.

In positive news on my front, I may be getting a camera again for the first time in over a year. I feel like I'm being jumpstarted with energy at the prospect.
 

BlindRhythm

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Apr 17, 2019
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[Hidden content][Hidden content]
Being forced to cancel plans for reasons out of your control is so deflating. And now we're in a situation where it's tough to gauge when we'll be able to resume those plans. Deflating and frustrating doesn't even begin to do this situation justice.

But eventually this quarantine will be lifted and things will start getting back to some sort of normalcy and you'll be able to realize those plans. I know it's easy to say and doesn't solve the problem but please hang in there, it will get better!

I am sorry that your co-workers are seemingly dismissive jerks though.. hopefully they'll be less so in the future. Also I'm sure your friend that you vented to understands. We're in a time of uncertainty and everyone is going to handle this differently. Even if that friend might be slightly mad or upset now for whatever reason they'll come around if they're a true friend.

We have to do our best to make sure folks know they aren't alone in this and that even though we might not be able to be there physically for someone they should know there's others they can rely on.
 
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Monooboe

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Oct 10, 2018
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Yeah this quarantine is messing with me too, it's like all the good things that were happening just disappear, like my internet connection getting delayed but also there is now a problem and I have no idea what it is or how to fix or even who to talk about it with. Sure I can wait for that. But then my rent, I was supposed to get something back since for many months I paid too much... but now it says I owe them! And again I can't talk to anyone about that since everyone is away.

Then every day it feels like I should do something productive, but I don't do shit and I'm starting to feel quite shit about it. Worst part, realised just how asocial one is, getting cut of the world and nothing really changed for me, other than I can't go out to take photos.

But yeah the quarantine really amplified all things one felt bad about before.
 

Monooboe

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BlindRhythm I'm sorry to hear that you feel so unappreciated! Don*t feel like you are a backup friend. Everyone is differently close to everyone. It's ok not to be a "first choice" as long as they want to. Life isn*t that binary.

I do have to warn against stopping to trying to keep in touch with people, I did that and I can't untrain that, so now I never speak with my real life friends and all my speaking is done with new potential booty calls and they swap out so fast that I never have any connection with anyone.

I really really advice you to keep in touch with the friends that you have, no matter how close they are. Just let them be themselves, try to appreciate them for who they are instead of who they aren't.
 

Trisolarian

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Jul 12, 2019
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"


I hate this shit. I really, really fucking do.

All of this trite advice is actively worse than useless and there is NOTHING advice wise that I hate then "don't worry about things you can't control"

Like fuck me if an asteroid or a hurricane is coming to mess up my shit, guess I can't worry about this. I can see where the consequences of these things and I have some idea of how bad the aftermath is going to fuck up my life, excuse me not dealing with it like a perfect angel.

Mental health minimizing bullshit. Anyone who shares this shit in seriousness is fucking sitting pretty at home somewhere, with easy access to family, BF/GF, their outlets and resources.
 

Swenhir

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Apr 18, 2019
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"


I hate this shit. I really, really fucking do.

All of this trite advice is actively worse than useless and there is NOTHING advice wise that I hate then "don't worry about things you can't control"

Like fuck me if an asteroid or a hurricane is coming to mess up my shit, guess I can't worry about this. I can see where the consequences of these things and I have some idea of how bad the aftermath is going to fuck up my life, excuse me not dealing with it like a perfect angel.

Mental health minimizing bullshit. Anyone who shares this shit in seriousness is fucking sitting pretty at home somewhere, with easy access to family, BF/GF, their outlets and resources.
I feel very irritated by this as well. It puts the burden and guilt of the pain on the person receiving it, advocating for thought-policing instead of simply acknowledging that things will suck. Feeling down, angry or even depressed is healthier than repressing it and denying yourself. Being positive, seeing the good in things helps a lot but this reads like someone in denial who wants to minimize the impact of this stuff on people.

The last image seriously reads like something out of an Orwellian novel.
 

Li Kao

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Jan 28, 2019
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I hate this shit. I really, really fucking do.
This would be clearer with a link that shows more than a black rectangle ;-)
But yeah, I share the sentiment, of reject toward the fuckers that downplay your life or your mental health.

Personally, well hoping I come out of this crisis alive, I will have some work coming to term with our utter unpreparedness and some people actions right now.

Edit - Wait, it shows something to you Swenhir ? Mhh, issue on my end ? :thinking-blob:
 

Swenhir

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This would be clearer with a link that shows more than a black rectangle ;-)
But yeah, I share the sentiment, of reject toward the fuckers that downplay your life or your mental health.

Personally, well hoping I come out of this crisis alive, I will have some work coming to term with our utter unpreparedness and some people actions right now.

Edit - Wait, it shows something to you Swenhir ? Mhh, issue on my end ? :thinking-blob:
It does. I'll try hotlinking for you.



If for some reason your network is blocking facebook, then yeah that won't load.
 

Trisolarian

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Jul 12, 2019
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I feel very irritated by this as well. It puts the burden and guilt of the pain on the person receiving it, advocating for thought-policing instead of simply acknowledging that things will suck. Feeling down, angry or even depressed is healthier than repressing it and denying yourself. Being positive, seeing the good in things helps a lot but this reads like someone in denial who wants to minimize the impact of this stuff on people.

The last image seriously reads like something out of an Orwellian novel.
Yes, exactly.

I don't have a lot of words to describe my emotions, its always been really difficult for me to articulate why I'm angry or upset or even pinpoint why one thing pushes me over the edge. I feel burden and guilt when I see these guides and the responses they get from some people.
 

NarohDethan

日本語の学生
Apr 6, 2019
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BlindRhythm I'm sorry to hear that you feel so unappreciated! Don*t feel like you are a backup friend. Everyone is differently close to everyone. It's ok not to be a "first choice" as long as they want to. Life isn*t that binary.

I do have to warn against stopping to trying to keep in touch with people, I did that and I can't untrain that, so now I never speak with my real life friends and all my speaking is done with new potential booty calls and they swap out so fast that I never have any connection with anyone.

I really really advice you to keep in touch with the friends that you have, no matter how close they are. Just let them be themselves, try to appreciate them for who they are instead of who they aren't.

It does. I'll try hotlinking for you.



If for some reason your network is blocking facebook, then yeah that won't load.
They should have posted a big disclaimer in that. ‘Only works if you are not poor’
 
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Swenhir

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Yes, exactly.

I don't have a lot of words to describe my emotions, its always been really difficult for me to articulate why I'm angry or upset or even pinpoint why one thing pushes me over the edge. I feel burden and guilt when I see these guides and the responses they get from some people.
I think your reaction is healthy and normal given the implications of these images. That you aren't allowed to feel the way you do and a whole lot of "shoulds" that are complete bullshit. I'm sorry that your emotions are so muddled to yourself at the moment. It's hard to hear your own voice when it's been neglected, gaslighted and otherwise trampled by people who should have been parents and guardians instead.

They should have posted a big disclaimer in that. ‘Only works if you are not poor’
I don't think being poor even factors in this being idiotic and noxious, but indeed on top of that it ignores people's material circumstances.
 

BlindRhythm

positively pudding
Apr 17, 2019
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I do have to warn against stopping to trying to keep in touch with people, I did that and I can't untrain that, so now I never speak with my real life friends and all my speaking is done with new potential booty calls and they swap out so fast that I never have any connection with anyone.
Kind of the story of my social life. I used to cry about it in my teen.
And yeah, spoiler alert, I unfortunately can attest that saying fuck it all and cutting ties with the world isn't ideal.

:photoblobheart: you
Thank you both and I know that you're both right. :cat-heart-blob:

I spent almost the entirety of my 20's alone due to giving up, the only constant being the one friend I've talked about in a couple different threads. How he's put up with me for 20+ years I'll never know. :LOL:

I never want to get to that point again no matter how many thoughts creep in trying to convince me it's the easiest path.

I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself and by extension others. Though the worry was never about being first.. just being acknowledged. That was my bad for not expressing that better in my original post.

This was something I had been struggling with for a few months now, things just compounding on top of each other and it finally blew up.. and I wounded another friendship in the crossfire.

Though the good news there is we've been able to chat and hopefully that friendship will come out stronger on the other side. They are someone I deeply respect and am grateful every day for their company. :blobhug:

[Hidden content]
Yep! You're right, I'm always so thankful for those here that have become friends. A lot of you genuinely mean a great deal to me.

I know I'm sometimes not the easiest person to deal with due to how often I beat myself up over occasionally silly things. So thank you all so much for your continued support and friendship. I'll be back to my cheerful self soon enough. And in the mean time you'll be getting some more of those Alyx screenshots you asked for, lash. Might sneak in a couple other games soon too! :smiling-face-with-smiling-eyes:
 

Trisolarian

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Have any of you had a closed loved one's parents die? What was the response of the loved one? Is there a point where they are in shock for weeks or is that kinda drawn out?
 

Li Kao

It’s a strange world. Let’s keep it that way.
Jan 28, 2019
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Have any of you had a closed loved one's parents die? What was the response of the loved one? Is there a point where they are in shock for weeks or is that kinda drawn out?
Hard to say without knowing the details, but I assure you each one is different in their reaction to the death of a loved one. It can be devastating.
 

liezryou

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Oct 31, 2018
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Have any of you had a closed loved one's parents die? What was the response of the loved one? Is there a point where they are in shock for weeks or is that kinda drawn out?
Grief or bereavement does not have a timeline. Normal symptoms can last up to a year. Most things during this difficult time are normal, within reason. There are a few abnormal things you should be on the lookout for:

1) If he/she has feelings of worthlessness
2) Illusions or hallucinations that he/she believes is real (it is normal as long as the person believes they are not real)
2b) Psychosis - Psychosis is a whole state in which the personal is completely detached from reality, not simply just hallucinations. This may also include difficulties concentrating, completing tasks, or making decisions. Other symptoms may include delusions or illogical speech.
3) Any thoughts of death or suicidal ideation
4) Severe psychomotor retardation

If you think any of these are occuring with your loved one, i highly recommend seeking the help of a therapist or a psychiatrist.

On a personal note, my father lost his father and his brother within 4 weeks of each other. It was hard for him and he was in shock for months. This is a process which every human being has to go through (losing their parents) and nobody can fill that void once they are gone. During this time it's hard for a person to see past whats in front of them really, so you just have to make sure to be there for them. Make sure their personal needs are taken care of and be there for them in any way you can. When they are ready to open up emotionally, they will let you know.
 

Trisolarian

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Welp, the 'friend' is me. No details bc tbh my method of doing this has been not talking about it, just curious as to what others have experienced.
 
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Hektor

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Nov 1, 2018
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Having a loved one die is a very long, drawn out process, it's been 8 years now and i still miss him and feel bad whenever i think about it.
Eventually you come to acceptance and the grief stops, but i'll say the hard truth here, you'll never be "over it", like a chapter of a book you are closing, for that comparison, it's much more so like a book you enjoyed reading and never got to finish and you often wonder what would have happened in the next chapter.
 

Li Kao

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Well, without knowing how you cope, I can assure you again that there may be as many forms of mourning as people. And for some it takes a long time.
I even read some psychologist saying it can destroy some people and families. Not to be a downer, just to show the diversity in reaction toward that horrible time.
But know that we are all in this together. I don't mean that as an easy saccharine cope out, I mean that we all share this suffering at one point or another.
 

Trisolarian

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Jul 12, 2019
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Well, without knowing how you cope, I can assure you again that there may be as many forms of mourning as people. And for some it takes a long time.
I even read some psychologist saying it can destroy some people and families. Not to be a downer, just to show the diversity in reaction toward that horrible time.
But know that we are all in this together. I don't mean that as an easy saccharine cope out, I mean that we all share this suffering at one point or another.
Yeah been talking to a friend who had nearly the exact same thing happen two years ago.

Having helped them work through what happened back then, just trying to gauge my experience compared to their experience.
 

BlindRhythm

positively pudding
Apr 17, 2019
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Welp, the 'friend' is me. No details bc tbh my method of doing this has been not talking about it, just curious as to what others have experienced.
I've mentioned previously in this thread and a couple others how I lost my father and one of my brothers. Both destroyed me for a while. I've also mentioned how I'm someone who already deals with depression but can usually power through and still get stuff done but when I lost both of them I went weeks without doing much of anything.

It sapped all of the energy I had and I was practically a zombie. There would be days when I would just randomly break down and cry.

It took months but eventually the pain eased. I would still tear up once in a while and other times it would put my depression into overdrive but over time I worked on ways to help get through it. Instead of remembering or coming across something that I enjoyed with my brother and dad and allowing it to bum me out I would find ways to use those things to honor their memories.

To this day years later there's still moments where I wish they were still here. However it's now more happy memories rather than sad ones.

As Li Kao said we're not alone in this. Getting advice for stuff like this can be a big help and we're always here to offer support if and when it's needed. :cat-heart-blob:
 

fantomena

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Dec 17, 2018
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Have some thoughts I wanted to get off my chest. They are not really mental struggles, but action I took that probably prevented potention mental struggles.

I have always been a happy and positive guy. I've been told that Im a person that can have a fight, walk out of the room and come back in 2 min after and be smiling. A pupil I had in my class in one of my pracitucums told me I smile a lot.

However, the Internet has not been doing well for me. I left GAF last year and I left ERA last year (first I got banned, but then I also requested a self-ban to not be part of the site anymore) and I have been avoiding other parts of the Internet, different discussion boards I read at times (not registered) and unsubbed to different YT channels Ive checked out.

Im very sure me leaving sites like ERA, GAF and different sites and YT channels have made me happier. Almost everything just overflows with negativity and sometimes toxicity. You can't discuss something without a bunch of people bringing negativity in and derailing threads.

Reminds me off something Bill Burr talked about. People just care about negativity, never the positive things someone has done. "This dude helped a cat down a tree, nah, fuck that, he helped an old lady across the streets, yuck, oh, he said something dumb 8 years ago, oh hell yeah".

Right now Im basically just on MetaCouncil, Facebook (for holding contact with friends, family and different groups), some Discord channels and Reddit. Reddit at least allows me to easier avoid negativity. My Reddit front page consist of r/funny, r/humansbeingbros, r/awww, stuff like that, SnapChat and a bit of TikTok and Insta (only following funny people and positive people on those apps).

Before I knew about the Internet I was the person who saw everything in a positive way and smiled a lot and the Internet almost took that away from me.

I also think it's important not to care, not to give a shit. I think not giving a shit about many things gives a better quality of life. It's why I managed to play games that have controversy around it like Kingdom Come, Iron Fury, the upcoming TLOU 2 (looks amazing, have it pre-ordered). I simply don't care about the controversy around them and other things. Maybe it's a bad thing and I should care, but I don't and I don't know why.

Im on my second rewatch of New Girl on Netflix because I find the show funny and it makes me laugh and I don't care what people think about me watching that show.

Im an emotional guy, I can cry easily at sad things or things that are wholesome and makes me happy and I don't care what other people think about that. I also like to sing and dance to good music because singing and dancing is fun and makes me happy and I still don't care about what people think. I like to watch and rewatch standups by people like Carlin, Carr, Jefferies, Burr, Jeselnik etc. becaue it's fun and if people have problems with, let's say, Carr, right, but don't bring your problems with him to me, I don't care, I laugh at his jokes and that's what matters to me.

TLDR: I have avoided potential mental struggles by avoiding and leaving parts of the Internet that are overflowing with negativity and toxicity and it has made me happier. I also find it important to not care about everything as I think it improves my quality of life.
 
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Anteater

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cool, love that my mom is criticizing how much I make during a pandemic while I'm just glad I still get to work.

and she try to twist it into saying she only wanted to talk to me every once in a while, yes that's what parents say to their kids that do nothing but work 7 days a week, and give them shit.
 

Swenhir

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cool, love that my mom is criticizing how much I make during a pandemic while I'm just glad I still get to work.

and she try to twist it into saying she only wanted to talk to me every once in a while, yes that's what parents say to their kids that do nothing but work 7 days a week, and give them shit.
I'm really sorry. I don't want to presume but it sounds like you have pretty bad parents. That's not normal.
 

NarohDethan

日本語の学生
Apr 6, 2019
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I’ve tried my best to avoid this feeling but I already succumbed to the ‘I feel tired despite feeling I dont work hard enough’ thingy
 
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Monooboe

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I've been so stable for so long now but again the ex I've mentioned before has again told me she loves me but would never be with me and again I feel like shit. Last time she said it she then took it back and told me she never loved we.

But this time at least I told her that I could never be with her because the trust is gone. Also this time I didn't really feel anything when she again told me she loved me, but it's more that it brings up bad stuff again.
 
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Li Kao

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I am 41 and my life is in ruins.
Social, sentimental, work, nothing.

Tonight this hits harder than usual. Short of a miracle, not sure how to get back on my feet. Or just continue to slowly fade away. A part of me still wants to claw out of this shit and live, but the inertia is so great.

I was a writer, I always was a writer. Until I didn't write anything. I dreamed my life away.
 
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Monooboe

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I am 41 and my life is in ruins.
Social, sentimental, work, nothing.

Tonight this hits harder than usual. Short of a miracle, not sure how to get back on my feet. Or just continue to slowly fade away. A part of me still wants to claw out of this shit and live, but the inertia is so great.

I was a writer, I always was a writer. Until I didn't write anything. I dreamed my life away.
You should put in the same rule that I put in for myself. I asked myself that since I'm a photographer but I don't photograph then what am I? So I put a rule for myself that I have to take at least one photo everyday, no matter what kind, no matter how good, just that I have to do the actual act. Sure often it's hard but I am glad that I stick with it because it gives me a feeling of being myself in a way, and not fade away.
 

Swenhir

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Apr 18, 2019
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I am 41 and my life is in ruins.
Social, sentimental, work, nothing.

Tonight this hits harder than usual. Short of a miracle, not sure how to get back on my feet. Or just continue to slowly fade away. A part of me still wants to claw out of this shit and live, but the inertia is so great.

I was a writer, I always was a writer. Until I didn't write anything. I dreamed my life away.
I'm not as much as Monooboe in favor of forcing yourself if you can't. What I am getting is that there is something holding you back, and this is what needs looking at. Not shame, not guilt, not blame, just looking at it and perhaps getting help if you can't help it.

Also I am painfully aware of your own judgment and the finality of thinking that being 41 is the end of all if you haven't achieved anything. That you are utterly "behind". I often feel the same way but do you really believe that deep down? I don't. I think it's a bullshit expectation forced on you by people who haven't had to live your life.

I can only wish you the best, to take some rest and try to keep on walking forward, step by step. Little by little.
 
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Swenhir

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Ugh feels like I'm in a constant panic attack, feels like I have a black hole in my chest. Instead of it being something specific that causes it, it's me and my life.
I can really relate to that. Do you know grounding exercises?


They don't fix the cause but they can help you in the moment, and with practice perhaps you can reason and unlearn the harsh and hostile judgment you are probably passing on yourself. That is not to say there aren't problems you can solve but making things a little lighter on your shoulders is never a bad idea.