you don't have to quote/spoiler images to make them smaller ... after inserting an image, just click on it and you'll see the resize handles
Miracles!
Support Come and load off your mental struggles
- Thread starter freshVeggie
- Start date
Miracles!
haha
Thanks! Will keep it mind, but feels like I don't like anything at the moment or to do anything. But I get money in a few days so that always makes me happy for a few days haha!
I don't know much about your situation but do you have a thing that really makes sense for you, a thing whose absence really makes you hit rock bottom? Figuring out what makes you think this about your life and articulating it could be a first step to resolve it.
I know this is probably a "no shit sherlock" piece of advice but I personally needed it to try and stop judging myself by standards I, deep down, don't give a damn about.
I dreamed of myself drinking the entire night, I feel like I'd be back to drinking if I didn't have so much work. 
I dreamed of myself drinking the entire night, I feel like I'd be back to drinking if I didn't have so much work.
stay strong!
Something that always irks me is the advice that "you need to learn to love yourself before you can be loved by others"
How am i supposed to know what love even is like?
How am i supposed to "love myself" if there have been some too many people telling me in very long, and hurtful ways that i am, in fact, not worth loving?
I don't wanna get too upsetti at this statement because people are usually trying to be nice when they say that methinks, but reality is that it's very counter productive, because it's just saying that it is impossible to find love.
How am i supposed to know what love even is like?
How am i supposed to "love myself" if there have been some too many people telling me in very long, and hurtful ways that i am, in fact, not worth loving?
I don't wanna get too upsetti at this statement because people are usually trying to be nice when they say that methinks, but reality is that it's very counter productive, because it's just saying that it is impossible to find love.
People who truly care about you won’t tell you that you’re unlikable. Don’t listen to them.
It's also pretty heartless because as you said, unless you get help that would mean you are doomed to remain alone which does nothing to help you. It's kind of leaving you there to rot without offering any concrete help while implying pretty hurtful things about you. I still think the saying kind of hints at the right idea and warns about toxic relationships, but it certainly does nothing to sympathize with the person who doesn't love itself or offer a path forward.
Also, holy crap, I'm sorry people did that to you. There's no justification for telling that to someone, especially in the way you hint at
. As NarohDethan said, people who are worthy of being in your life at all don't speak to you like that.As for how it feels and what it is like, I think you may know the answer deep down but it's incredibly hard for people who have been abused to allow themselves to believe that little voice inside telling them they are simply alright just the way they are. It's definitively possible and it's a feeling, a vision of yourself that is hard to put into words, If I had to sum it up, it's that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you, quite the opposite.
If it was possible for you, I would recommend talking to a professional because that's no way to live and you deserve help.
I've started to notice a thing with my dating, like yesterday I met someone, it went great but today I get zero interest in her texts, so I just deleted her. It seems to the same most of the time.
Sure I should be happy I even get the chance to date but its just breaks my heart everytime and completely drains me.
Then my psychiatrist seem to have vanished and Swedish student debt thingie has started to transfer it over to french companies so now I keep getting letters from everywhere.
Everything just seems so fucking impossible.
Sure I should be happy I even get the chance to date but its just breaks my heart everytime and completely drains me.
Then my psychiatrist seem to have vanished and Swedish student debt thingie has started to transfer it over to french companies so now I keep getting letters from everywhere.
Everything just seems so fucking impossible.
Any suggestions for work burnout? There’s days where I barely get anything done
Life certainly has a way of making you feel small at times. Even when things are mostly normal there's seemingly always something around the corner to undo it.
Being stuck in that rut where things don't seem to go right or when things that should be happy moments just aren't for one reason or another is so deflating. I've been there far too often as well.
I know it's easier said than done but my best advice would be to take some time for yourself, do some other things you love like your photography, and just kind of shut your mind off for a while. You take amazing photos and losing yourself in a passion like that for a little while can do wonders.
I also hope that your psychiatrist comes back. That's odd they would vanish like that without leaving a message or informing their office or the receptionists so they can tell patients.
In the meantime I can offer a hug at least! [UWSL]
[/UWSL]
The easiest way I can think of would be to take a vacation but I know that's not always possible unfortunately.
You could also try talking with any co-workers you're close with and see if they're going through or have gone through the same in the past and hopefully they'll be able to share some of the methods they use/used.
Though if there aren't too many folks you can talk to at work about it I'd suggest trying to take a brief moment to yourself here or there throughout the day if possible. Try to relax and just breathe. Clear your mind the best you can. Then when you're ready to get started again just focus on the stuff you can handle in that moment and try not to worry too much about things that could or might happen later.
From the times we've talked I know you care a great deal about a lot of the work you do there and I'm willing to bet folks see that and will understand if you need some time occasionally.
[HIDEPOSTS]I just want to say that not only did I work up the courage to contact a therapist, but they have turned out to be an amazing person.
I've rarely felt so understood, and never seen things I've agonized over be explained to me in such clear, validating and liberating ways.
This is really something I can wish for everyone struggling with trauma to experience. Professionals that good aren't just an internet legend![/HIDEPOSTS]
I've rarely felt so understood, and never seen things I've agonized over be explained to me in such clear, validating and liberating ways.
This is really something I can wish for everyone struggling with trauma to experience. Professionals that good aren't just an internet legend![/HIDEPOSTS]
[/REPLY]
[HIDEPOSTS]I haven't dropped them yet, I see them Monday but unless they manage to convince me that they are in this to help me the way I want, will not make those hurtful assumptions about me and fix the damage they did, they are in the ejection seat.
And thank you, it really helps.[/HIDEPOSTS]
[/REPLY]
[HIDEPOSTS]Thank you, that's very kind.
That therapist just dropped the Drama Triangle on me without explaining it, then positing their personal belief that rescuers are bad in particular. The whole thing was sloppily explained and just felt like it condemned kindness and the need for validation as a victim while advocating to try harder and just "take personal responsibility".
Having read into it, I see that triangle barely applies to me and completely misses the point of the issues I have that need attention. It also completely triggered the traumatic belief I have of thinking something is fundamentally wrong with me.
Even if that therapist manages to repair the damage, given their lack of concern for my well-being, of understanding of trauma I don't think I want to keep going with someone like that. Hell, I don't think I can even open up.
What you said about me was really kind and kind of made my day. I think I needed to hear that, thank you
[/HIDEPOSTS]Edit : woof, shouldn't post while not completely awake.
Last edited:
One week,three dates, getting rejected in two and stood up in one. People say it's good to get used to rejections because it doesn't hurt as much. In one way they are right in that one doesn't get hung up on one girl. But what they don't tell you is it grind away at your self-esteem. There comes a point where there is just one huge gaping hole. Not sure how the fuck to even repair oneself at this point.
[/REPLY]
I'm done. you win world, you win. I got your fucking point.
I know there's not much that can be said that will turn a bad situation or stretch of time into something positive nor is there an easy solution. But what I can do is send as much love and support as possible. We're all here to listen if you need and while none of us might be professionals, many of us do care.
Please take care of yourself and get some rest and/or relaxation if possible. Take a break from the internet if needed. It's what has helped me when I've been in that spot.. no it's not a permanent fix sadly but taking that time can ease your mind.
OP
OP
We can always talk. All the time. Whether public here, or private. Discord. Steam wherever.
Never hold back of this offer. It always stands for you. Sharing and venting can help.
[/REPLY]
Yeah, I'm in a dark place right now. Not because of anything happening to me, it's just that I can't take all this evil the world is throwing at everyone and when i make some suggestion to help those effected, I'm shot down. Everyone then looks down at me, calling me an attention whore. I nearly ended my life this morning. I'm still thinking of doing it.
First and foremost, you really need more help than any of us can offer you. If you are considering ending your life, I implore you to reach out to a professional, to the resources and hotlines who may be warmer and more helpful to you than any of us might. That is not to say we don't want to help, but the stakes are too high not to point you to the help you deserve.
Thank you for still being with us. I don't think you are an attention whore and even the people who appear to be have misunderstood needs. The wording is gratuitously vicious and I'm sorry you were called that.The impulse to help is flat-out admirable, especially when so many people are either indifferent or give up. It still takes a bit of finesse to try and not be too abrupt about it. Some people don't need solutions, they don't need the problems fixed for them. They just need to be seen and listened to.
The evil in the world is something you are allowed to take your eyes off of, especially if it makes you this miserable. You aren't any use to anyone in that state and, more importantly, your happiness always go first. You are allowed to close the windows and focus on yourself, on being in a happy and warm place again until you are ready.
Take care
.
And apologies for tacking my own problems on to this post. Though I'm almost certain a second post would have done the same I think?
Lately that feeling of being useless has crept back into my mind but this time it's different, this time I believe it. I look to those I care about and wonder, "what do I actually bring to this relationship?" Am I really worth putting up with this every few months?
Which I fear is going to cause friction between myself and a good friend. I get that it's often silly, that it's usually a minor screw up at worst, but I think they'll eventually tire of needing to occasionally cheer me up. It's not fair to anyone to have to deal with me when I'm like this.
[/REPLY]
[Hidden content]
And apologies for tacking my own problems on to this post. Though I'm almost certain a second post would have done the same I think?
Lately that feeling of being useless has crept back into my mind but this time it's different, this time I believe it. I look to those I care about and wonder, "what do I actually bring to this relationship?" Am I really worth putting up with this every few months?
Which I fear is going to cause friction between myself and a good friend. I get that it's often silly, that it's usually a minor screw up at worst, but I think they'll eventually tire of needing to occasionally cheer me up. It's not fair to anyone to have to deal with me when I'm like this.
YES!!!
Thank you both for your kindness and support. I can never express how much it truly means to me every single time.
So instead of trying to find the words I'll just leave this gif here for you both and to everyone else that I count as friends and that continue to stand by me. It's all so humbling and heartwarming. You all are the greatest friends someone could ever hope for.
[HIDEPOSTS]
He stood on the roof of the 7th floor. He could see his entire home from there. The soccer stadium. The other soccer stadium. The giant Tetraedar made of steel, a colossal piece of art. The Sky, and the birds, and the clouds. A beautiful sight indeed.
His right arm extended, and his hand let to. A bottle of Doppelkorn fell and a sound left his lungs in response. “1…” it said. “2...”. As the bottle shattered into a thousand little diamonds, he had just begun to pronounce another number. “…3”. Barely 3 seconds it took for the bottle to reach the ground, despite it taking over 3 minutes to climb those stairs. Gravity is a fascinating thing.
The shattered glass lay on the ground of the parking lot beneath, its fractured pieces too small now to be seen from this height.
“What must such an object feel in those 3 seconds? Sorrow? Relieve?”
Imagining the wind brushing across his face, he stood on top of the railing, stretching his arms and thinking of freedom.
At last he went back into his office and returned to the daily grind.[/HIDEPOSTS]
Please don't worry about me, i just needed to SIGH through written word
wow and as i post this, the primary reason for why im so down rn has ceased to be, LORDE, what a blessing of a coincidence
He stood on the roof of the 7th floor. He could see his entire home from there. The soccer stadium. The other soccer stadium. The giant Tetraedar made of steel, a colossal piece of art. The Sky, and the birds, and the clouds. A beautiful sight indeed.
His right arm extended, and his hand let to. A bottle of Doppelkorn fell and a sound left his lungs in response. “1…” it said. “2...”. As the bottle shattered into a thousand little diamonds, he had just begun to pronounce another number. “…3”. Barely 3 seconds it took for the bottle to reach the ground, despite it taking over 3 minutes to climb those stairs. Gravity is a fascinating thing.
The shattered glass lay on the ground of the parking lot beneath, its fractured pieces too small now to be seen from this height.
“What must such an object feel in those 3 seconds? Sorrow? Relieve?”
Imagining the wind brushing across his face, he stood on top of the railing, stretching his arms and thinking of freedom.
At last he went back into his office and returned to the daily grind.[/HIDEPOSTS]
Please don't worry about me, i just needed to SIGH through written word
wow and as i post this, the primary reason for why im so down rn has ceased to be, LORDE, what a blessing of a coincidence
I nearly lost my PC to a power surge yesterday
Aight, long post
[HIDEPOSTS]
The pessimist was right once again! I am getting ghosted.
Like everyone always does.
At this point i just don't really know what to do anymore.
I literally have no friends irl left anymore, and it seems to utterly impossible to make new ones or reconnect with old ones.
I've been trying, i really have.
But not a single person is interested in spending time with me.
Late 2018 i hate very sincere plans of killing myself come 2020 if nothing improved until then.
Then things did improve (My new job, and i have successfully broken off any contact to my parents being the big two)
And i was lke hell yea! Life's looking good.
That all happened 2019.
But now in 2020? All my progerss is halting.
Because now my progress is dependend on other people just as much as it is on me.
And that's where i am fucked. Because no one gives a shit.
I can try to be the best i can be and no one will care.
I can try to reach out and no one will care.
Like i'm some hideous, scary fucking monster.
I've had a very clear goal for this year, come my birthday, i want to actually celebrate it - which would be a first in my life.
And of course not alone, but either with friends or a relationship.
Safe to say i'm not making that goal this year. Not even close.
Now of course COVID threw a wrench into things, but i have no particular reason to believe this year would have looked any different without it.
Regardless, between my birthday and christmas i will be all alone again.
I already volunteered to stay at work between christmas and new years eve so my coworkers at least can enjoy themselfs during holiday time.
Recently i saw that one of my college mates has a family now. And it was so fucking upsetting to me.
I dont wanna be mad about it because i wanna be happy for him, but ngl, i was eaten away by bitterness in that moment.
Dude was (and still is) seriously ugly, and at least back then he was also a gross, rude and even mean person.
Maybe he has improved as a person, i can't judge that, and if so, more power to him, but i find it almost unfair that he has a family and i can't even get anyone to go drinking with me.
It's not like i didn't improved, in fact, i am really proud of how much i changed as a person. Yet no one cares about me doing that.
Feels like back in elemetary school, no one giving a shit about my A grades, but come the F grade student getting a D and he will literally get a party.
I seriously don't even know why that is, but it's always been like this. Other people get celebrated for achieving something or doing something good (and hey, i mean, they SHOULD be celebrated!!) but when it comes to me, everyone always expects best results right of the bat, no parties, no compliments, just complaints if i only achived the 99/100
Yet when it comes to anything else, i'm completely invisible.
"How are you Hektor?"
"Wanna go drinking Hektor?
"Got any plans for the weekend Hektor?"
"Good job Hektor"
"New Haircut Hektor?"
"Nice tattoo there hektor!"
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFf
If i would get one cent for any time someone says these things to me i would have no cent
I feel so emotionally exploited by everyone.
I just wish just one person to sincerely give a shit about me.
Just one person who thinks "hey Hektor, you are enriching my life"
BUT NO!!!!!!
People can't even say thanks for me gifting them free toblerone
because they just care about the toblerone
LITERALLY
I don't have much energy left anymore, or motivation.
But that's just the default for me.
Gonna finish this bottle of Korn and watch some hentai[/HIDEPOSTS]
[HIDEPOSTS]
Altho, i've been chatting with someone a bit online (not through a dating app mind you) and i plan to ask her out again at a later point. Maybe I'll get lucky and she says yesBut i'm not optimistic
The pessimist was right once again! I am getting ghosted.
Like everyone always does.
At this point i just don't really know what to do anymore.
I literally have no friends irl left anymore, and it seems to utterly impossible to make new ones or reconnect with old ones.
I've been trying, i really have.
But not a single person is interested in spending time with me.
Late 2018 i hate very sincere plans of killing myself come 2020 if nothing improved until then.
Then things did improve (My new job, and i have successfully broken off any contact to my parents being the big two)
And i was lke hell yea! Life's looking good.
That all happened 2019.
But now in 2020? All my progerss is halting.
Because now my progress is dependend on other people just as much as it is on me.
And that's where i am fucked. Because no one gives a shit.
I can try to be the best i can be and no one will care.
I can try to reach out and no one will care.
Like i'm some hideous, scary fucking monster.
I've had a very clear goal for this year, come my birthday, i want to actually celebrate it - which would be a first in my life.
And of course not alone, but either with friends or a relationship.
Safe to say i'm not making that goal this year. Not even close.
Now of course COVID threw a wrench into things, but i have no particular reason to believe this year would have looked any different without it.
Regardless, between my birthday and christmas i will be all alone again.
I already volunteered to stay at work between christmas and new years eve so my coworkers at least can enjoy themselfs during holiday time.
Recently i saw that one of my college mates has a family now. And it was so fucking upsetting to me.
I dont wanna be mad about it because i wanna be happy for him, but ngl, i was eaten away by bitterness in that moment.
Dude was (and still is) seriously ugly, and at least back then he was also a gross, rude and even mean person.
Maybe he has improved as a person, i can't judge that, and if so, more power to him, but i find it almost unfair that he has a family and i can't even get anyone to go drinking with me.
It's not like i didn't improved, in fact, i am really proud of how much i changed as a person. Yet no one cares about me doing that.
Feels like back in elemetary school, no one giving a shit about my A grades, but come the F grade student getting a D and he will literally get a party.
I seriously don't even know why that is, but it's always been like this. Other people get celebrated for achieving something or doing something good (and hey, i mean, they SHOULD be celebrated!!) but when it comes to me, everyone always expects best results right of the bat, no parties, no compliments, just complaints if i only achived the 99/100
Yet when it comes to anything else, i'm completely invisible.
"How are you Hektor?"
"Wanna go drinking Hektor?
"Got any plans for the weekend Hektor?"
"Good job Hektor"
"New Haircut Hektor?"
"Nice tattoo there hektor!"
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFf
If i would get one cent for any time someone says these things to me i would have no cent
I feel so emotionally exploited by everyone.
I just wish just one person to sincerely give a shit about me.
Just one person who thinks "hey Hektor, you are enriching my life"
BUT NO!!!!!!
People can't even say thanks for me gifting them free toblerone
because they just care about the toblerone
LITERALLY
I don't have much energy left anymore, or motivation.
But that's just the default for me.
Gonna finish this bottle of Korn and watch some hentai[/HIDEPOSTS]
