Support Come and load off your mental struggles

Li Kao

It’s a strange world. Let’s keep it that way.
Jan 28, 2019
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I’m not good.

1. My mother has a nasty pimple that must be taken off by a skin doctor. I’m not totally worried out of my mind because several doctors or secretaries told us it’s not a ‘omg, remove it quickkkk !’ situation. But it’s not a looker and while things may not be helped, I’ve been burned on waiting time for important doctors with my late father.

2. We are hitting rock bottom, money wise. I’m so tired. Every motherfucker wants his 100+ euros, we eat shit and pay through the nose for it. 150euros today, we are not even April the 1st, for a supply run with very little meat. I budget our monthly food orders at 400. We can’t really afford 400, but seing nearly half of it going poof on the 31st is making me shit titanic bricks.

3. I want to play. Every. Games.

4. I don’t shit hours in the day, so outlook on playing everything is not looking good.

5. Even then, I don’t really play, or very little. I feel guilty to not be a working adult and a miserable piece of shit. My brain is no fool and isn’t duped, it sends very clear signals amounting to ‘you don’t fool me, no escapism for you’.

Basically, I’m so very tired. Invoices, loneliness and no conceivable future. I would like a future, it must feel good.
 

Swenhir

Spaceships!
Apr 18, 2019
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5. Even then, I don’t really play, or very little. I feel guilty to not be a working adult and a miserable piece of shit. My brain is no fool and isn’t duped, it sends very clear signals amounting to ‘you don’t fool me, no escapism for you’.

Basically, I’m so very tired. Invoices, loneliness and no conceivable future. I would like a future, it must feel good.
I'm sorry to hear you aren't doing alright. This time of year sucks, but remember that it's just a passing thing. You don't and can't know what is going to happen. What's clear to me is that you have mental health issues, and that trying what little you can, a little at a time every day could help you.

Self-help books, finding a therapist near you (which I think are more or less covered by national health insurance), finding something that gives you hope as a path into the future could help.

All the same, your brain is your worst critic and I dare say that he's dead wrong about you given the amount of self-loathing you engage in. I think it's all about finding what is manageable for you, and trying, failing and resting, then trying again.

All the best, you're gonna get there!
 

Li Kao

It’s a strange world. Let’s keep it that way.
Jan 28, 2019
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I hate to double post after the last one, that is very important to me, but I have had an horrible day.

My mother had an appointment with a surgeon today, to get a nasty pimple off her neck.
1 - My cat just doesn't want to obey, at all. If we seem to get close to the door he stands there and don't you dare open because he will be out quicker than you can say the words. Which is not the end of the world usually, as I have no social life, but is firstly tiring as fuck and secondly, what do you do when you have an important appointment and the circus just doesn't end ?
Attempts to lift him and take him to another room were done, as usual. But he is not stupid and now get back in front of the door quicker than me. And growl at me when I approach my hands. And murder them.
It finally worked by a convoluted door scheme, but I'm a tired. I love him, with all my heart, and he seems to love us no question. But he wants to get out. I don't want him to get out and risk having a car accident. I don't know what to do.

Then the cherry on top. You know how we manage to keep our heads barely out of the water budget wise, always living in overdraft.
2 - Appointment with surgeon was planned at 60 euros. Turns out it was really 50 ! Yeah !
3 - But the unplanned anesthesiologist was also 50.
4 - And the operation will 'just' cost us 220 euros.
I don't have that kind of money. I got out of the awkward moment by making it feel like I had not my checks on me, but I will have to make an uncovered check. They will take it next month and if I don't find the money I will be in hot water with the French National Bank.

No need to say I droned back to my home in a semi shock state, and even considered for an instant to throw my life away. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not really interested in so extreme a gesture, but I'm really getting tired.
I don't buy games anymore, life is globally horrible, but we endure. Because that's our only option. But there comes a point when enough is just enough.
I don't shit money, I don't print it, we buy food, pay for the many vampires who want their monthly due, we pay our debts, we are not bad people. But there is a limit to what I can do with out budget and what I can endure. I started the day with a couple dozens euros unallocated in the budget, finished it at -320.
I just can't.

I'm sorry if this was too long, or uninteresting, I needed to let that out.


PS. Due to how social security now works in France, those multiple 50 euros ? We won't be reimbursed, 99% certain.
 
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Monooboe

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Oct 10, 2018
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Li Kao But don't social security cover all of it? Maybe it's medical security, because the one I have it covers all of it no matter how small or big. (within limits of course) And I don't even have to pay out my own pocket, I just flash the carte vitale.:D
 

Li Kao

It’s a strange world. Let’s keep it that way.
Jan 28, 2019
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Li Kao But don't social security cover all of it? Maybe it's medical security, because the one I have it covers all of it no matter how small or big. (within limits of course) And I don't even have to pay out my own pocket, I just flash the carte vitale.:D
Well depends on what you are talking about. And remember I'm not too hot on administrative lingo.
There are three issues.

1 - My mom earns enough money to not be eligible to the 'Complémentaire Santé Solidaire' the thing for dirt poor people like me, which makes a lot of health things free (with the caveat of a lot of doctors looking at you like you are trash and when it's free glasses, it's free shitty glasses).

2 - Medical appointment are reimbursed ! Only not for us. Like I explained recently to a poor soul on Discord, in France we have a recent system where you have to pay a very small amount per box of drug you get at the pharmacy. Which is fair, but... when you have lots of treatments, like my mom and me, you max out your annual debt, limited at 50 euros or something. And social security keeps the tab for each year and add it together. Maybe you see where this is going. As they don't take the money from your account but just don't reimburse you for visit to specialized doctor, to compensate the tab.
Let's be clear, my mother had an appointment last month with a skin doctor. 50 euros or so. Never saw the money back. It went toward the 2017 tab........

3 - Maybe surgeons are trash, maybe social security is unfair, but the thing is that even with social security and a complémentaire, you always have a special fee added, something that neither of the social entities will reimburse. It's 220 euros for that pimple.
 
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