You are right, that is abuse. Refusing to accept that you have your own needs, that your side exists too is textbook gaslighting and refusing to acknowledge your own side of the relationship.
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I'm so sorry, that's so intense a loss, I don't know what to say. I lost a dear one like that too, though he'd been with me not nearly as long and... Well, you always think about them, but it does get better.
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Not at all. As far a I'm concerned, you lost a loved one. Fuck that noise about her being from another species. Hug you
You must realize those kind of horrible what if are bullshit. When you were trying to get her to keep walking, it was for her own good. You had her best interest in mind. Maybe you could have done differently, but my point is, at the time, you made the decision you thought was best for her.
Echo, I am so sorry to know the situation you are in. As others have said, this is abusive and I can only suggest you taking a break or walking away. It is definitely not an easy thing to do, leaving the one you love. But this is probably necessary.
yup, nothing wrong with that ... the "old thread" notice is only there to let us know we might not get an answer since it's an old thread
That's an abusive relationship. It's one I saw firsthand for decades with my parents and I've been in a couple myself, though for me it was abusive friendships.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know all too well how hard the loss of a pet can be. It's not silly in the slightest. They're part of our families. They are with us through everything, good and bad. They never judge us and just love being near us. I'm not ashamed to admit that my cat Mitsy is one of my best friends. She's been with me through so much and it's going to devastate me when she passes.
This was unpleasant to read. I wish I had some great advice, but all I have right now is, use this thread, people ! It is here for you to express your hurt, be heard and get some love, help, advice.
You are god damn right you are wrong about it
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Thank you three and those that responded with hugs to my post!You are god damn right you are wrong about it
A lot of what you are saying rings painfully familiar to my ears. I don't want to diagnose you or anything of that nature - I don't know you, nor what you have been through and if anything else, the DSM is full of shit when it comes to understanding mental health in my opinion. But you may want to take a look at Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD : From Surviving to Thriving" book. I'm not done reading it, and I can't say that it's perfect but it does have a lot of tools that you might draw upon. If anything else, it might be validating, though it is far from the only work on the matter.Thank you three and those that responded with hugs to my post!
While deep down I realize I should be more confident and value myself more it's that combination of trying to be perfect and feeling that I deserve nothing that I've talked about in the past. They're things that have been so ingrained in me for decades that it hasn't been easy trying to break out of that.
For example there will be times that I'm inconvenienced to the point it's uncomfortable or upsetting, taken advantage of or talked down to and I'm aware it's happening but I still accept it.
That also loops back to the abusive friendships I mentioned in one of my earlier posts. I was friends with someone for over 20 years, since I was five years old, who in the last 10 or so years of that friendship made me feel absolutely worthless. Yet we remained friends because he was one of only two friends I still had and the only one I got to hang out with in person. The saddest part is that we would still be friends today had he not outed himself as a racist. But that also means over the last almost five years I've had zero in person contact with the last remaining friend I have due to the distance between us.
So yeah, it's going to take me some time to adjust to seeing that I do make some difference, that I have some value. And I really want to thank you all for bearing with me throughout and the kindness and patience you show in reminding me of those things.
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Oh nice! Thanks for the recommendation! I'll hopefully be able to give it a read soon.But you may want to take a look at Pete Walker's "Complex PTSD : From Surviving to Thriving" book.
And what you are saying really reminds me of someone who hasn't been protected enough, who hasn't had their boundaries validated by their parents. I'm just really sorry
I know, I also understand why my own parents did what they did, the cycles of abuse though in their case I'd argue it is easier for me to blame them because they really did heinous things, did ignore that child's voice begging them for them to stop.Oh nice! Thanks for the recommendation! I'll hopefully be able to give it a read soon.
And your guess wasn't too far off though I can't fault my mom. She was often working because she had to. My dad never stuck with any job all that long. So I did lose some time with her growing up as a result but even exhausted she always tried her best to spend time with me. In a lot of ways she's my hero knowing what she's gone through and the strength it has taken.
While i'm here, happy new years to you my friends! May 2021 bring health, happiness, and good fortune to all of you.
That's all fantastic to hear! Congratulations to you, and to him for being able to listen. I just wanted to do the obvious and say that having emotions, crying isn't being a baby. It's a wonderful thing. I wish I could vocalize pain like that, I don't think it's right to be ashamed of it
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No worries at all! I'm glad to hear everything worked out for the better.
Things can and will change and for the better. Sadly there's no saying how soon it will happen but never give up. Social anxiety is truly horrible and not something easily overcome but what I can say is know that there's folks rooting for you and willing to offer support however they can. And I'm sure I don't need to say it but I'm one of those. You're my friend. I've always got your back.
I know the feeling. Being judged by people who don't understand you nor how it feels, who have negative stocks of empathy and kindness, and who ask for results instead of showing a better, kinder way. I tend to be terrified of such judgments and situations since they amount to saying no to your own needs, to playing a comedy that cuts deep in order to achieve a result. It's horrible.
.Out of the all plans which you listed, getting help from a psychiatrist about your social phobia seems to me like a good first step to unlock the other plans. Then it could be easier to find a job, which should then help with the social life (because you have colleagues and you have money to spend for leisure), and then maybe find a companion.
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I guess this is as good an occasion as any to develop on the 'story for another post'.
Not unpleasant at all. It's good to get this all out there when you feel ready to talk about things. Holding stuff in and letting it fester only makes it worse, to the point that it consumes you and you feel worthless or you become irrationally bitter. I know that all too well and it sometimes hurts people I care about as a result which in turn only makes me feel worse.
I am unfortunately Jack's complete lack of surprise, though I sympathize deeply. I think I saw something like 8 and it was pretty much the same. They were unable to even remotely comprehend abuse and how it feels. Validation isn't even on the agenda and all the discussion angles were either "What are you doing wrong" or just blandly listening and taking a check by the end. I've had friends orders of magnitude more supportive and helpful than this.
That sounds horrifying, and please try to reach out or... I don't know. We need you! I can only hope the situation gets sorted out, this feels straight out of a dystopia.
Yeah it is not easy, my social worker said many have gotten their right revoked, but yeah the world is falling apart so it was bound to happen. I have a meeting next week so lets see what they say.
That sounds horrifyingly stressful. I hope you'll be alright, you are someone that I have seen really do amazing things to make your life better. You deserve better than this. I'm a bit too tired to know what to say but I wish you the best and hope they realize how much of a death sentence this could be.
Thanks! I know MC can't give me solutions, but this thread is the only place I felt I could even talk about it.
Haha, I fell into that trap of people who give up helping just because they can't figure out a solution. Sorry! That really is a horrible situation though, I can't imagine what's going through your head right now.
Yeah can't concentrate on anything. Knowing that either it gets magically fixed, or that I have a painful period of not having money, loosing access to internet and phone, then after a few months they will throw me out and then it's just being on the street again. Mostly now it is that I just know what to do about anything. And it feels I'm about to loose everything and can't do anything about it and all that I can do will have to go through the slow French bureaucracy . Hell this mess right now, I sent in the papers in the start of December and it was only now that they read them, so me not having the papers in order, there just wasn't any time left to fix anything because the rent was supposed to be paid already and I only have 90 euros in my bank account. I might an aid for 150 euro soon but that will only be enough for phone, internet and such.
Would having money to pay right now somehow fix things? Or is it more about the general monthly process itself and access to the housing itself that is endangered?
. It is incredibly hard, and you must be on edge something incredible and horrible.
