Support Come and load off your mental struggles

Monooboe

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Would having money to pay right now somehow fix things? Or is it more about the general monthly process itself and access to the housing itself that is endangered?

And I can't say enough how much I sympathize. I know the horror of this sort of fear and dread, I wish I could take it all away and help more :(. It is incredibly hard, and you must be on an edge sharper than a scalpel.
Yeah sure not having money is huge, just eating will be a hassle, I have to rely on soup kitchens and even knowing how the function these days with the pandemic. But yeah it is also just general upkeep like buying basic things, toilet paper and all that.

But mostly it is since I lost the right I got thrown out of the system, meaning it will be hell to get back in. I already lost the aid for rent which was supposed to be in already.
 
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Swenhir

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Yeah sure not having money is huge, just eating will be a hassle, I have to rely on soup kitchens and even knowing how the function these days with the pandemic. But yeah it is also just general upkeep like buying basic things, toilet paper and all that.

But mostly it is since I lost the right I got thrown out of the system, meaning it will be hell to get back in. I already lost the aid for rent which was supposed to be in already.
I don't want to probe at this too much because I don't want to make you feel more fear than you do right now. So your entry in the system has been removed and you have to do the whole process over again? Or can it be reverted?
 

Monooboe

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I don't want to probe at this too much because I don't want to make you feel more fear than you do right now. So your entry in the system has been removed and you have to do the whole process over again? Or can it be reverted?
No worries, I am still in the system but I lost my rights. Even if I would get it back next meeting, that is next month, that would mean I lost the money I would get in February and have to wait till march to get money. So not only the money to live on but the housing aid also.
 
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Swenhir

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No worries, I am still in the system but I lost my rights. Even if I would get it back next meeting, that is next month, that would mean I lost the money I would get in February and have to wait till march to get money. So not only the money to live on but the housing aid also.
And that alone would get you thrown out? I am considering trying to help you, if my means allow but I couldn't possibly pay rent for you for a long duration, more fill in that hole the system left.
 

Monooboe

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And that alone would get you thrown out? I am considering trying to help you, if my means allow but I couldn't possibly pay rent for you for a long duration, more fill in that hole the system left.
Thankfully I don't think I can get thrown out that fast, so best case that I got my right back next meeting it would mean I can stay but I would still have rent to pay back once I do have money.

Also don't worry about helping me out right now, I really appreciate it either way! Let me get completely broke first and be without food, then we can talk haha!
 

Swenhir

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Thankfully I don't think I can get thrown out that fast, so best case that I got my right back next meeting it would mean I can stay but I would still have rent to pay back once I do have money.

Also don't worry about helping me out right now, I really appreciate it either way! Let me get completely broke first and be without food, then we can talk haha!
I think that either way more visibility on what the state is going to do is required but... Well, I know how it feels to be in your situation and I can't not empathize with you. The way they are treating you is callous.
 
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Li Kao

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What a horrible mess Monooboe ! You have the worst of luck with these yearly rights renewing :confounded-face:
I'm not an expert on social aids, but I think you can't be thrown out of your apartment during winter time. Especially from a social one. Relax my friend ! That being said you are right, when things get sorted out you will have more debts, so things have to get sorted out asap.

I can only join Swenhir I'm not in a good situation but maybe I could participate if something gets organized. Keep us informed about the evolution of this situation.
 

Monooboe

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Li Kao Yeah you are right, in that they probably can't throw me out until April the earliest. It was like when I was sleeping in the waiting room at the hospital right next to Notre Dame, during the winter they let people sleep there but first of April they just stopped.
 
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Li Kao

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Li Kao Yeah you are right, in that they probably can't throw me out until April the earliest. It was like when I was sleeping in the waiting room at the hospital right next to Notre Dame, during the winter they let people sleep there but first of April they just stopped.
Yeah, don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying this is a good situation. Just that you should be able to have a home for some time. But, as someone whose parents fell into over indebtedness partly due to unpaid rent, this shitty situation must be solved asap or you risk accumulating debts.
 
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ISee

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My Nephew died two weeks ago.

He was ten years old, we played Total Warhammer 2 on Monday the 18th of January and spoke via Discord. He went to bed and didn't wake up anymore.
We don't know what happened or when exactly he died. Last time his mother checked on him was around 11 p.m. He didn't complain about pain, he was healthy, he didn't fall, didn't hurt himself.

My brother and sister in law are both medical doctors, the bedroom doors are always open, medical emergency equipment was just a couple meters away (defibrillator included) because my sister in law was on emergency service. Nobody heard something, she found him dead in the morning. Tried to reanimate him, but he was long gone.

Prosecutor went all in: Full Autopsy, Toxicology, DNA testing for rare diseases. Everything came back negative. Causality isn't excluded here, there was a reason, something must have happened. We just don't know what, but the reason doesn't change anything: He is gone.

Loosing somebody you love is always terrible, I get it. But it wasn't his turn to go.

Michael was ten, he always smiled, he loved his family and his little brother. He loved reading, he got a dozen fantasy books for christmas and he nearly finished all of them before he died. He loved Star Wars, Harry Potter and all kind of and fantasy stories. He played paino and horn, did Martial Arts, and loved the sea and sailing. He was always curious and asked us non stop questions about everything.

He made the life of everybody around him better and I will miss him till my own last breath leaves my lips. We all are trapped in a nightmare since. I try to be there for my family, but I often cry. There are no words that can help me to express how much I miss him and how much pain I'm feeling. Every single memory is torture.

This was him:
 

Swenhir

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My Nephew died two weeks ago.

He was ten years old, we played Total Warhammer 2 on Monday the 18th of January and spoke via Discord. He went to bed and didn't wake up anymore.
We don't know what happened or when exactly he died. Last time his mother checked on him was around 11 p.m. He didn't complain about pain, he was healthy, he didn't fall, didn't hurt himself.

My brother and sister in law are both medical doctors, the bedroom doors are always open, medical emergency equipment was just a couple meters away (defibrillator included) because my sister in law was on emergency service. Nobody heard something, she found him dead in the morning. Tried to reanimate him, but he was long gone.

Prosecutor went all in: Full Autopsy, Toxicology, DNA testing for rare diseases. Everything came back negative. Causality isn't excluded here, there was a reason, something must have happened. We just don't know what, but the reason doesn't change anything: He is gone.

Loosing somebody you love is always terrible, I get it. But it wasn't his turn to go.

Michael was ten, he always smiled, he loved his family and his little brother. He loved reading, he got a dozen fantasy books for christmas and he nearly finished all of them before he died. He loved Star Wars, Harry Potter and all kind of and fantasy stories. He played paino and horn, did Martial Arts, and loved the sea and sailing. He was always curious and asked us non stop questions about everything.

He made the life of everybody around him better and I will miss him till my own last breath leaves my lips. We all are trapped in a nightmare since. I try to be there for my family, but I often cry. There are no words that can help me to express how much I miss him and how much pain I'm feeling. Every single memory is torture.

This was him:
This sounds horrific. There is little I can possibly say other than I'm really deeply sorry for your and their loss. This seems insanely unexpected and shattering for the families.
 
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Swenhir

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Finally got my rights restored! SO FUCKING RELIEVED! Just today I was thinking what I need to throw away and what I will pack in my backpack.
!!!!

We went from a dread of apocalypse and probably trigger-inducing thoughts to... THIS. Yes! I'm so happy for you :).

Many kittens and cute things to you, I'm so relieved to hear these news.

I just moved myself and I'm conked out of my mind. Still in hyper-vigilance mode and afraid of the slightest noise. The first night will tell whether I can truly rest here and sleep in the morning. I'm anxious!
 
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Monooboe

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Swenhir thanks! I think the biggest fear I have is to return to the streets. I can't take it again.

Why I also got so worried about my rights is that i read somewhere that they only grant rights for two years to foreigners and I have exactly had it for two years. In the letter I got they specifically say that they have decided to continue with my rights. So I guess the shitty state of the world actually might have helped me.
 
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Anteater

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I think this is probably rock bottom for me. I haven't been able to quit this bad drinking habit I picked up again.

At the very least I won't be able to drink today, but I have zero motivation, I don't want to do my work. I literally just want to rot in a corner. Sigh. I feel like I have things I want to do but I can't because I need to work, but when I have free time I don't want to do anything.

I'd take a day off or something but I know it'd probably just make things even worse. I'm not even sure where I'm at, it just feels like suffering. I'm burned out on living and just want a break.

I thought things were getting better at some point and I finally had motivation, that didn't last very long, my mood swings the other way every other morning and now it finally sunk to the bottom.
 
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Li Kao

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Anteater I hurt reading your post. Don't you have family or close friend whom you can confide in and seek help from ? Please endure, life is long and things change. I'm really low these days too, lost, seeking the meaning of existence and without the force to do much of anything, but good news my friend, we are at the bottom, the only way is up :cat-heart-blob:

Don't hesitate to post here, to contact me, don't fear judgement, we are here for you. We have a lot more potential than we realize, we can come out of this shit and file it as one low on our journey. You are not alone.
 

Anteater

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I literally never talk to my family about things like these, I came from a culture where these things are rarely brought up, their way of treating things is literally "just feel better", it's better that they don't know so they can leave me alone.

I'm taking a day off so at the least I won't feel bad about halfassing my work. Hope tomorrow is a better day.
 

Swenhir

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I literally never talk to my family about things like these, I came from a culture where these things are rarely brought up, their way of treating things is literally "just feel better", it's better that they don't know so they can leave me alone.

I'm taking a day off so at the least I won't feel bad about halfassing my work. Hope tomorrow is a better day.
That "just feel better" and wanting to be left alone by people who should be your source of strength and support... Is entirely too relatable. It's screwed up and the culture that breeds it is rotten to the core. I'm truly sorry that you are feeling so alone with this :(.
 
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Li Kao

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I'm beginning to feel I'm bipolar. Now don't get me wrong, I like putting words on things but apart from things I can categorically identify (Social phobia, Reading OCD), I wouldn't dare be definitive here. Buuuuuuuttt, I read that basically consist of going through depressive and manic (let's say hyper) period. And that left me thinking. Depressive yeah no question, but at first I read hyper 'physically', and I'm clearly not that way lol. Now if we are talking obsessive moods... oh boy. One period I'm all video games, another I'm full comic books etc. Which doesn't seem that bad at first when you don't realize how it can be tiring to have these mood swings. You can't really have a well organized hobby life when one day you are like this and the other day like that. Hence why I have big difficulties reading books or long serial, the mood swing happens faster than the completion of the current thing. And I feel the periods got shorter with times, great :disappointed-but-relieved-face:
 
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Swenhir

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I'm beginning to feel I'm bipolar. Now don't get me wrong, I like putting words on things but apart from things I can categorically identify (Social phobia, Reading OCD), I wouldn't dare be definitive here. Buuuuuuuttt, I read that basically consist of going through depressive and manic (let's say hyper) period. And that left me thinking. Depressive yeah no question, but at first I read hyper 'physically', and I'm clearly not that way lol. Now if we are talking obsessive moods... oh boy. One period I'm all video games, another I'm full comic books etc. Which doesn't seem that bad at first when you don't realize how it can be tiring to have these mood swings. You can't really have a well organized hobby life when one day you are like this and the other day like that. Hence why I have big difficulties reading books or long serial, the mood swing happens faster than the completion of the current thing. And I feel the periods got shorter with times, great :disappointed-but-relieved-face:
I think both Bipolar and Borderline and extremely ill-defined, and I believe pretty ill-understood things as well. They tend to be convenient boxes to throw people into and apply labels to while not really looking at the reasons people feel the way they do.

That's not to say you aren't bipolar but I'd be wary of self-diagnosing too heavily ^^.
 
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Li Kao

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I think both Bipolar and Borderline and extremely ill-defined, and I believe pretty ill-understood things as well. They tend to be convenient boxes to throw people into and apply labels to while not really looking at the reasons people feel the way they do.

That's not to say you aren't bipolar but I'd be wary of self-diagnosing too heavily ^^.
True, true. Bipolar is quite clearly the illness du jour (I don’t want to disparage people suffering from it, though) and several new illness or phobias seem indeed ill defined or redundant with actual know troubles.
 
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Wok

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I'm beginning to feel I'm bipolar.
That is what I suspected when you wrote:

- So yeah I don't really feel like doing anything, just sleep, eat, and sleep again, fucking up my sleeping cycle.

But on the other hand, I feel like flipping every fucking tables (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Toying with ideas, watching them brew and hoping they materialize.

- I feel this urge to wash my living room walls, yellowed by cigarette smoke. Maybe add some plants. Tidy things up, stop living in a cave.
Obviously, take it with a grain of salt as I don't know much about this disorder, but that switching mood is an interesting observation.

Edit: Nobody except a psychiatrist would be able to diagnose though ; importantly, you cannot do it by yourself, and neither could a stranger over the Internet.
 
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Swenhir

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Edit: Nobody except a psychiatrist would be able to diagnose though ; importantly, you cannot do it by yourself, and neither could a stranger over the Internet.
This. A good psychiatrist, and I've lost pretty much all faith in them from personal experience unfortunately. There's a variance in knowledge about the field from one professional to another that can span multiple decades, making the expected treatment range from being guilt-tripped and abused/re-traumatized to being understood and actually helped.

Word of mouth might be key there, or good reviews.
 
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Li Kao

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Looking into it a bit more (so not much at all, just a google search and a quick scan at one of the results) I don't think I'm suffering from that. I mean, there are a lot of symptoms that I don't feel fit me well. Again, you guys are totally right about self-diagnosing, I was just trying to put a word on my 'sufferings'.

Wok I would say that your observation about my past post was really interesting, truly, but for the time being I would argue that you took a depressive feeling mixed with a desire for rebirth for the depressive / manic symptoms.
 
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Monooboe

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Today is hard, finally my ex came and got all her stuff from my place of course we argued a lot. I know I broke it off and all that, still I just feel a sense of panic. And to add to that yet again my rights are under threat, my social worker it might be as soon as next week.

I just can't concentrate at school at all. My dating apps are going crazy with messages and I just don't have the energy to answer any.

Had three dates lined up this weekend but I'm letting all of them just slide by. Well maybe on Sunday because she way gorgeous haha.
 

Swenhir

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Today is hard, finally my ex came and got all her stuff from my place of course we argued a lot. I know I broke it off and all that, still I just feel a sense of panic. And to add to that yet again my rights are under threat, my social worker it might be as soon as next week.

I just can't concentrate at school at all. My dating apps are going crazy with messages and I just don't have the energy to answer any.

Had three dates lined up this weekend but I'm letting all of them just slide by. Well maybe on Sunday because she way gorgeous haha.
I'm really sorry, that seems like it sucks massively. I hope things get better soon!

I do wonder though, what dating apps do you use? I'm not sure I'm anywhere near ready to go in that direction again, but I would like to know :).
 

Monooboe

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I'm really sorry, that seems like it sucks massively. I hope things get better soon!

I do wonder though, what dating apps do you use? I'm not sure I'm anywhere near ready to go in that direction again, but I would like to know :).
I use mostly badoo and tinder. I have some others but don’t have matches on those yet. I think I have the most luck with badoo but I think always depends on location.
 
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Anteater

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My 1 day off turned into 4 the other week, I did nothing but sleep each day. However I felt great afterward, so I guess I just needed that break. I got caught up with work during the week and was able to stay sober for the weekdays. I'm gonna try harder the coming weeks and get back on track with things I wanted to do now that I was able to reorganize my schedule better.

Sleeping is still a little hard, but it's not bad, just not used to it after so many months of messed up sleep schedule.