Support Come and load off your mental struggles

deftones r cool

I̷n̴t̵o̸ ̷t̷h̵e̶ ̵v̵o̵i̸d̵
Apr 19, 2019
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Probably my anxiety working but...

[Hidden content]
Don't companies usually just have some dumbass background check company call up your college to confirm?

If you really need proof, just get in touch w/ wherever it is you got your degree from. I'm sure they'd rather work with you than go through the laborious process of vetting for an alternative candidate. Me thinks you're overthinking this, fam. I did it too when I got this new job.

Very happy/excited for you by the way.
 

NarohDethan

Anime threads enthusiast
Apr 6, 2019
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Don't companies usually just have some dumbass background check company call up your college to confirm?

If you really need proof, just get in touch w/ wherever it is you got your degree from. I'm sure they'd rather work with you than go through the laborious process of vetting for an alternative candidate. Me thinks you're overthinking this, fam. I did it too when I got this new job.

Very happy/excited for you by the way.
What's really weird to me is that they're asking at all. I graduated 5 years ago and have been working since 2010.
 

Xiaomi

The Texas Hammer
May 12, 2019
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Taiwan
Got back on anxiety and depression meds after a ripper of a day over the weekend where I just didn't. Want. Anything. Back now at a pleasant medium and feeling calm, but a little restless.

Talked to the woman I like on Facebook and asked her to hang out, but she's flown home for the summer. I got a "I'd definitely be interested in meeting up" when she gets back, so... It's not a no?

I'm going to get a haircut and go down to the arts district tomorrow and look for "my people." Might as well try my luck; I'm going to be alone for the next month or so.
 

blindrhythm

positively pudding
Apr 17, 2019
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Guess those feelings of loneliness and uselessness are going to be paying me a visit again. Awesome..

That feeling of being wanted, being able to brighten someone's day by simply being around, is completely foreign to me. But I guess saying it like that also sounds pretty self-centered.. I'm nobody important. Yeah, never mind. Besides I'm sure my stupid brain would find some way to twist it into a bad thing somehow anyway.

Sorry this one is a bit rambling. I just wanted to collect my thoughts somewhere and shout into the void a little bit. :confounded-face:
 
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NarohDethan

Anime threads enthusiast
Apr 6, 2019
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Got back on anxiety and depression meds after a ripper of a day over the weekend where I just didn't. Want. Anything. Back now at a pleasant medium and feeling calm, but a little restless.

Talked to the woman I like on Facebook and asked her to hang out, but she's flown home for the summer. I got a "I'd definitely be interested in meeting up" when she gets back, so... It's not a no?

I'm going to get a haircut and go down to the arts district tomorrow and look for "my people." Might as well try my luck; I'm going to be alone for the next month or so.
If she said she's interested then that's a yes!
 

Hektor

Degenerate and Proud
Nov 1, 2018
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Guess those feelings of loneliness and uselessness are going to be paying me a visit again. Awesome..

That feeling of being wanted, being able to brighten someone's day by simply being around, is completely foreign to me. But I guess saying it like that also sounds pretty self-centered.. I'm nobody important. Yeah, never mind. Besides I'm sure my stupid brain would find some way to twist it into a bad thing somehow anyway.

Sorry this one is a bit rambling. I just wanted to collect my thoughts somewhere and shout into the void a little bit. :confounded-face:
That feeling is completely normal to desire, everyone does. I'd even go so far as to say it's one of the biggest factor that drives people around the globe, thus, nothing really self-centered about it, a lot of people find meaning in their lifes within other people.

I pre-empitvely apologize (not really) for bringing up anime ITT, but a recent Attack on Titan has put that genuinly really well



 
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daxy

MetaMember
Dec 6, 2018
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I dunno if this is the right place for it, but might as well try: anyone else here a former smoker? I quit around three months ago after almost a decade and a half of smoking, but I still get the urge every now and then. Any advice would be welcome. I know it's as simple as not touching another cigarette, but sometimes it's hard to keep the streak going. Something clawing inside of me when things get stressful.
 

Xiaomi

The Texas Hammer
May 12, 2019
134
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Taiwan
Guess those feelings of loneliness and uselessness are going to be paying me a visit again. Awesome..

That feeling of being wanted, being able to brighten someone's day by simply being around, is completely foreign to me. But I guess saying it like that also sounds pretty self-centered.. I'm nobody important. Yeah, never mind. Besides I'm sure my stupid brain would find some way to twist it into a bad thing somehow anyway.

Sorry this one is a bit rambling. I just wanted to collect my thoughts somewhere and shout into the void a little bit. :confounded-face:
Wanting to be wanted isn't selfish at all, it's normal (and so is not wanting that if you're ace/aro btw). It's something many of us are looking for, but time and circumstance often just put it out of reach for a while. And none of us are really "important" in a long-term sense; in a thousand years it'll be as if we never existed. So don't stress about that too much.

If you're like me and have social anxiety or depression it is intensely frustrating because people will tell you "just go out there and meet people" when everything in your body tells you that is not a pleasant thing to do. But here's the way I think about it: it gets better as you get older. You just have to be on the lookout for people who you're interested in and take a "fuck it" attitude towards establishing contact, in a respectful and lighthearted way, of course. Life's gotta move on, so just go for it. If they're not into you, they'll probably let you know in a kind way, and if not, you dodged a bullet.
 

blindrhythm

positively pudding
Apr 17, 2019
489
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That feeling is completely normal to desire, everyone does. I'd even go so far as to say it's one of the biggest factor that drives people around the globe, thus, nothing really self-centered about it, a lot of people find meaning in their lifes within other people.

I pre-empitvely apologize (not really) for bringing up anime ITT, but a recent Attack on Titan has put that genuinly really well
Wanting to be wanted isn't selfish at all, it's normal (and so is not wanting that if you're ace/aro btw). It's something many of us are looking for, but time and circumstance often just put it out of reach for a while. And none of us are really "important" in a long-term sense; in a thousand years it'll be as if we never existed. So don't stress about that too much.

If you're like me and have social anxiety or depression it is intensely frustrating because people will tell you "just go out there and meet people" when everything in your body tells you that is not a pleasant thing to do. But here's the way I think about it: it gets better as you get older. You just have to be on the lookout for people who you're interested in and take a "fuck it" attitude towards establishing contact, in a respectful and lighthearted way, of course. Life's gotta move on, so just go for it. If they're not into you, they'll probably let you know in a kind way, and if not, you dodged a bullet.
Thank you both, you're both right. It's an irrational thought and feeling I've dealt with for years. I mentioned in that long post where I shared most of my background that I have the opposite problem my dad had.. Mine is that I deserve nothing and owe the world everything. Which only plays into the longing to be wanted. It's a horrible, never ending cycle.

It doesn't help that there's so many regrets I have that just further that thought process. Which I recognize is something I have to work through and get over, though it's never that easy.

Of course like you mentioned Xiaomi, there is that attitude of "throwing caution to the wind" as you get older when it comes to those situations. It's what got me to register to this site after all after not really posting much on any forum for 14 years. And it has certainly dulled the pain those feelings usually inflict on me, but only marginally so. Of course now there's that twinge of fear that I'm simply unloading all of my issues here, on all of you.

The hypocrisy of that doesn't escape me by the way. I'm always telling folks to post if they want to talk or need cheering up and here I am worrying about it. :LOL:

But again it all circles back to my original problem of deserving nothing.
 

deftones r cool

I̷n̴t̵o̸ ̷t̷h̵e̶ ̵v̵o̵i̸d̵
Apr 19, 2019
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Idk y i always end up shaving my beard and regretting it instantly after, time and time again

I NEVER LEARN MY LESSON

currently rocking a porn stache and a little tuff under my mouth LORD SAVE ME; AT LEAST ITS 4TH OF JULY
But again it all circles back to my original problem of deserving nothing.
Would it make you feel better if I rationalized with you and admitted that nobody else deserves anything either?

It's not like the individual self actually exists, my friend. It's all an illusion, just like free will.
Look into the Buddhist Circle of Life. You'll find many of the answers you seek.

<3
 

blindrhythm

positively pudding
Apr 17, 2019
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Would it make you feel better if I rationalized with you and admitted that nobody else deserves anything either?

It's not like the individual self actually exists, my friend. It's all an illusion, just like free will.
Look into the Buddhist Circle of Life. You'll find many of the answers you seek.

<3
Thanks for the advice! I did some brief reading and will look into it more when I get the chance. :)

Though admittedly when I say nothing I mean absolutely nothing. Happiness, companionship, fulfillment.. stuff like that. I fully believe that everyone deserves at least some happiness and to be wanted or loved, just not me. And again I realize how hypocritical that is. This is the first time I've ever mentioned it.. to anyone. It's incredibly stupid, but it's yet another thing I've struggled with for a long time.

Which then questions my first post, why do I want to be wanted if I feel I don't deserve it? The only answer I have is what both Hektor and Xiaomi said, that it's human nature to want that feeling. So those two feelings will forever be at odds with each other and it only serves to make the struggle that much harder.
 
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deftones r cool

I̷n̴t̵o̸ ̷t̷h̵e̶ ̵v̵o̵i̸d̵
Apr 19, 2019
191
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Thanks for the advice! I did some brief reading and will look into it more when I get the chance. :)

Though admittedly when I say nothing I mean absolutely nothing. Happiness, companionship, fulfillment.. stuff like that. I fully believe that everyone deserves at least some happiness and to be wanted or loved, just not me. And again I realize how hypocritical that is. This is the first time I've ever mentioned it.. to anyone. It's incredibly stupid, but it's yet another thing I've struggled with for a long time.

Which then questions my first post, why do I want to be wanted if I feel I don't deserve it? The only answer I have is what both Hektor and Xiaomi said, that it's human nature to want that feeling. So those two feelings will forever be at odds with each other and it only serves to make the struggle that much harder.
If you take one thing from me ever posting this site, I implore you to give this book a shot. Track it down from your local library if you have to.
That goes for anyone reading this thread tbh.




It'll be eye opening, and might just be the mental kick in the ass you need. So many times while reading this did I put the book down, and literally say "wow". Ultimately gave me a brand new perception of life.
 
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lashman

Dead & Forgotten
Sep 5, 2018
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Thanks, lash.

It's been a while since I've tried to express how much I appreciate all of the kindness everyone has shown me here and I still fail to find the right words. I don't think I could ever fully articulate it. Just know that it really does mean the world to me. :cat-heart-blob:
we're just all glad to have you here, man! :) hang in there ... and i hope you'll feel better soon!

 

deftones r cool

I̷n̴t̵o̸ ̷t̷h̵e̶ ̵v̵o̵i̸d̵
Apr 19, 2019
191
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I dunno if this is the right place for it, but might as well try: anyone else here a former smoker? I quit around three months ago after almost a decade and a half of smoking, but I still get the urge every now and then. Any advice would be welcome. I know it's as simple as not touching another cigarette, but sometimes it's hard to keep the streak going. Something clawing inside of me when things get stressful.
get yourself a fidget spinner (or vape and slowly lower your nicotine content... but i recommend the spinner)

im not even kidding, whenever you want a cigarette, just spin that fucker

also hit the gym. after feeling your lungs collapse you wont even consider going back to ciggies

used to be a newport man, myself - at least a pack a day
 
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blindrhythm

positively pudding
Apr 17, 2019
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Been doing a little better today and I'm hoping it will last. I do want to clear up my last couple posts a bit, I realized that using "deserve" probably wasn't the right word for what I was trying to convey. I mean, in it's original usage it's correct, but nowadays it's practically interchangeable with entitled and that's the furthest thing from my mind. Nothing should simply be given to me.

So I guess worthy would be the better word? But that sounds even more overdramatic. Guess I have no way to properly explain it. Either way it's a horrible rut to be stuck in occasionally.

And again, thank you for the advice and pointing out that book to me, deftones r cool. I plan to try to find it on Monday when I'm out doing some grocery shopping.
 

RionaaM

Vogon Poetry Appreciator
Sep 6, 2018
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Been doing a little better today and I'm hoping it will last. I do want to clear up my last couple posts a bit, I realized that using "deserve" probably wasn't the right word for what I was trying to convey. I mean, in it's original usage it's correct, but nowadays it's practically interchangeable with entitled and that's the furthest thing from my mind. Nothing should simply be given to me.

So I guess worthy would be the better word? But that sounds even more overdramatic. Guess I have no way to properly explain it. Either way it's a horrible rut to be stuck in occasionally.

And again, thank you for the advice and pointing out that book to me, deftones r cool. I plan to try to find it on Monday when I'm out doing some grocery shopping.
I totally get what you meant in those posts, because I struggle with the same feelings almost every day. Wanting to feel wanted, and at the same time feeling everyone is better off not wanting me. It's a weird thing, and even when surrounded by friends it never goes away completely, it only stops for a while. But at the same time I know it's the brain acting up, and that doesn't mean it's true.

I really think no one deserves to be alone or unwanted (here's where I always add "but me"), so know that we're here for you. It doesn't mean much coming from a random internet stranger, but I sincerely want you -and everyone else in here too- to feel good, to have your piece of mind and not deal with those negative thoughts anymore, so if you ever need to talk or vent I'll be more than happy to listen, and provide whatever little advice I can.
 

NarohDethan

Anime threads enthusiast
Apr 6, 2019
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Thanks for the advice! I did some brief reading and will look into it more when I get the chance. :)

Though admittedly when I say nothing I mean absolutely nothing. Happiness, companionship, fulfillment.. stuff like that. I fully believe that everyone deserves at least some happiness and to be wanted or loved, just not me. And again I realize how hypocritical that is. This is the first time I've ever mentioned it.. to anyone. It's incredibly stupid, but it's yet another thing I've struggled with for a long time.

Which then questions my first post, why do I want to be wanted if I feel I don't deserve it? The only answer I have is what both Hektor and Xiaomi said, that it's human nature to want that feeling. So those two feelings will forever be at odds with each other and it only serves to make the struggle that much harder.
 

deftones r cool

I̷n̴t̵o̸ ̷t̷h̵e̶ ̵v̵o̵i̸d̵
Apr 19, 2019
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And again, thank you for the advice and pointing out that book to me, deftones r cool. I plan to try to find it on Monday when I'm out doing some grocery shopping.
The main jist of the book revolves around the evanescence of life. How reality is ever changing. As humans we go through all these stages but if you're able to separate yourself from your ego and see life for what it really is objectively, putting your subjectivity aside, you can conquer those negative feelings. That's the book in a nutshell. It's powerful stuff and written very accessibly.

Take a deep breath and let your thoughts flow, and let them pass. Focus on your breath.

____

I'm feelin sort of nuts myself. Shaved my beard off, I look like a slice of bologna someone farted on, or if Moby ate too much Arby's.

I might end up alone at a titty bar or something tonight. Idk how I ended up like this,
 

Xiaomi

The Texas Hammer
May 12, 2019
134
251
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Taiwan
Been doing a little better today and I'm hoping it will last. I do want to clear up my last couple posts a bit, I realized that using "deserve" probably wasn't the right word for what I was trying to convey. I mean, in it's original usage it's correct, but nowadays it's practically interchangeable with entitled and that's the furthest thing from my mind. Nothing should simply be given to me.

So I guess worthy would be the better word? But that sounds even more overdramatic. Guess I have no way to properly explain it. Either way it's a horrible rut to be stuck in occasionally.

And again, thank you for the advice and pointing out that book to me, deftones r cool. I plan to try to find it on Monday when I'm out doing some grocery shopping.
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blindrhythm

positively pudding
Apr 17, 2019
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It doesn't mean much coming from a random internet stranger, but I sincerely want you -and everyone else in here too- to feel good, to have your piece of mind and not deal with those negative thoughts anymore, so if you ever need to talk or vent I'll be more than happy to listen, and provide whatever little advice I can.
It means more than you know and I appreciate any advice. Thank you so much! :)

That's the book in a nutshell. It's powerful stuff and written very accessibly.

____

I'm feelin sort of nuts myself. Shaved my beard off, I look like a slice of bologna someone farted on, or if Moby ate too much Arby's.

I might end up alone at a titty bar or something tonight. Idk how I ended up like this,
That book sounds pretty interesting. Looking forward to giving it a read. And I hope that things start working toward a more positive direction for you soon!

[Hidden content]
Thank you again for the kind words, Xiaomi. I like to think I have a pretty strong willpower and then my brain does it's best to put me in my place. But you're certainly right, I shouldn't just accept it as the norm either.

And I can't just end this post without returning the hug, now can I? ;)

 

deftones r cool

I̷n̴t̵o̸ ̷t̷h̵e̶ ̵v̵o̵i̸d̵
Apr 19, 2019
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I'm so fucjing hammered rn u guys n I work I the morning plz sane dhelp
Sstupud royal oak mixhigan
 
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NarohDethan

Anime threads enthusiast
Apr 6, 2019
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Ugh, I had this horrible dream where a white cat somehow ended up at my apartment and I forgot to feed it, the poor thing was there stumbling :( it sucked.
 

blindrhythm

positively pudding
Apr 17, 2019
489
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Ugh, I had this horrible dream where a white cat somehow ended up at my apartment and I forgot to feed it, the poor thing was there stumbling :( it sucked.
I hate those kind so much. I'm sort of thankful that I rarely ever have dreams, but when I do it's always something horrible.

I know it won't ease the pain of that dream, but you've always struck me as a thoughtful and caring person so I'm sure if that situation ever presented itself outside of a dream it would go far differently and turn out better. :cat-heart-blob:
 

NarohDethan

Anime threads enthusiast
Apr 6, 2019
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I hate those kind so much. I'm sort of thankful that I rarely ever have dreams, but when I do it's always something horrible.

I know it won't ease the pain of that dream, but you've always struck me as a thoughtful and caring person so I'm sure if that situation ever presented itself outside of a dream it would go far differently and turn out better. :cat-heart-blob:
Actually it has! I fed my sister's dog (may he rest in peace) when she wasnt around. He ate too much btw lol

And thank you for your kind words

:wd_heart:
 

Hektor

Degenerate and Proud
Nov 1, 2018
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My dreams are always so weird

Today my dream was me driving a car along somehwere, but the two-lane road always had one of its roads closed off due to construction work, so i constantly had to Switch lanes which made the People behind me angry at me, eventually i arrived at my new home, which was a mill next to a river, i wanted to park but the parking time was limited to one hour, i began dreading the fact that i would have to leave my house every hour every day to re-park my car

Another dream i somewhat recently had was me being trapped in an abandoned City for an escape room style game, the City was slowly filled with poison gas, so i had to continiously work forward solving puzzles to get past buildings, the only puzzle i still remember was about dissolving cmos batteries in acid, eventually i entered a building that was a toy store and stole a LEGO millenium falcon from it.

The weirdest dream i can remember right now tho was the following:

I was in a Job interview with some mighty rich suit and his assistant, during that Job interview i received a phone call with a voice saying that this interview is all fake and they're only planning to rape me, so i quickly ran out of the room, the Boss sicking his assistant after me like a dog.
I ran through countless rooms which had nothing else than 4 equally long walls with a red door in them, eventually i escape the building and found myself in an abandonded School. There i came across a bunch of other People all hunched slowly sneaking through the place. I followed them while still fearing that the assistant is after me, the group of us then sneaked into the cantina of the School, everything was full of blood with an elevator at the other end of the room currently riding downwards towards us. We then hid behind the counter of the cantina and out came a bunch of heavily armed nazis. We sneaked past them and then ran towards a subway that would ride us to a church because the church was apparently protected ground and could not be invaded by the nazis. There at the church we were gladly welcomed, given a bed and Food. In return i started working for the church as a waiter at the Restaurant/bar I once sneaked into the storage and stole a potato, which i was seen by, then i was called to the headmaster of the church and fired, Feeling very guilty about it.

Apart from these vivid examples i can still remember, i have two sets of reoccuring nightmares.
The first one is me being hunted by something, usually a car trying to ride me over.
The second one is me getting very, very angry because People can't listen, like i'm giving someone directions and they always ignore my instructions until i get mad, but even then they don't manage to listen and just continue going down the wrong road unfaced.


The last few years i've been plagued by nightmares a lot, but since earlier this year, my dreams have improved quite well, not dreading to sleep anymore is an amazing feeling and not something one can take for granted.
 
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lashman

Dead & Forgotten
Sep 5, 2018
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The last few years i've been plagued by nightmares a lot, but since earlier this year, my dreams have improved quite well, not dreading to sleep anymore is an amazing feeling and not something one can take for granted.
that's good to hear, dude! :)
 
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