Dead & Forgotten
- Sep 5, 2018
That's great news! Glad you've been able to sleep better!The last few years i've been plagued by nightmares a lot, but since earlier this year, my dreams have improved quite well, not dreading to sleep anymore is an amazing feeling and not something one can take for granted.
That's great news! Glad you've been able to sleep better!
Some of those dreams you talked about reminded me of two I had when I was young that were either tame compared to the nightmares I usually have during the rare times I do dream or in the case of the one, it was actually helpful.
One was me and my brothers sitting in some kitchen/dining room surrounded by windows, when suddenly an older woman appeared and started talking about how the world was ending. After about a minute of that she suddenly stops talking and just shouts, "You must go! Go now!" as the glass in every window shatters, shards flying into the dining room. As we turn to leave one of my brothers notices an arcade machine that he unplugs and argues with us to help him carry it. For whatever reason after that we're all carrying this arcade machine through a desert and every so often another brother tells us to set it down so he can play before realizing once again that there's obviously no power. The dream ends with us all collapsing in the desert.
The other dream is so stupid but weirdly helpful. At the time I was playing FF6 I never really had any experience with fighting games so move inputs weren't something I understood. So eight year old me was getting incredibly frustrated with trying to figure out Sabin's attacks. A couple nights of that later I eventually had a dream that was like, "Hey stupid, stop trying to do it one by one. Roll your thumb across the d-pad!" So yeah.. thanks to that dumb dream FF6 is still one of, if not my top, favorite Final Fantasy game. I'm still terrible at fighting games though.
You say that now but after enduring eternal freezing darkness the brief glimpse of warmth that you've waited and now denied can really get to you. We are traveling to Prague but I expect it to start snowing the instant I set my foot there.ahhhh ... the perfect summer!
brb, moving to Finland
nah, man ... i fucking hate summer ... anything above 20C is torture to meYou say that now but after enduring eternal freezing darkness the brief glimpse of warmth that you've waited and now denied can really get to you. We are traveling to Prague but I expect it to start snowing the instant I set my foot there.
37°C here, will gladly switch places with you lolThe eternal feeling of being betrayed by the Finnish summer. I'm super bummed at the moment 'cause it's windy, cloudy and generally just not very summerish. Summer is so short and it's the one time of the year I enjoy being outside and all that malarkey when it's genuinely warm and welcoming. Too bad this year people from warm countries are vacationing here because it's cold.
I know this is not really a big thing but it's just disheartening to watch the weather forecasts that only shit on my expectations of having a great time.
Well that doesnt sound that good lol but the thing is that I really hate summer, especially because the power bill always comes ridiculously high.I already hate dealing with the cold weather here every winter, between frozen/busted pipes meaning no water for sometimes weeks, losing power during days with freezing rain and being without heat for hours to days, to worrying if the farm cats will make it despite taking every precaution to try to ensure they do. I can't imagine -30C for weeks at a time. We'll occasionally hit that here, but it only lasts a day or two.
Give me my hot summers over that any day!
Oh yeah, that's definitely a problem here too. Though here the bill during summer is usually half what the winter one is since the furnace has to run almost constantly for a minimum of three months. The bill for December last year was over $300, partly thanks to Christmas lights and the tree, but it was also an extremely cold month for us.Well that doesnt sound that good lol but the thing is that I really hate summer, especially because the power bill always comes ridiculously high.
That's great! I'm happy to hear that everything is getting better and that you know what you're doing is being recognized.I'm actually feeling quite good as of late, and everything seems to be falling into place. My house is a mess and I need to start dating again soon (ew) but I think I may have finally found the stability and structure I needed in life in order to move forward. I'm comfortable with who I am again for the first time in years and I'm leaving loads of my past attributes behind in favor of new, more befitting ones. I'm winning awards at work and recently placed 4th overall of 31 employees in my metrics, and I'm a new employee still. Bosses, customers and coworkers all like me, and I finally feel like I belong somewhere.
I've been in a similar spot lately. Constantly frustrated and upset with myself. It's why I've been posting less often again.I've been so damn angry lately, It's like constantly small things that add up. My life is so much better now than before but now I kind of hate it more. Latest "oh fucking of course" is that I forgot my ear plugs in my other jacket that's in a locker, not sure how I'm going to sleep listening to hundreds homeless people with breathing problems snoring.
It's usually the small things that seem to hit the hardest. It sucks.so, I nearly had a mental breakdown yesterday. For around a month, I had PC troubles, mainly with the sound not working on my browser and this is coupled with working OT hours for a month now. Frustration was increasing as no one was able to help me so I decided to use the nuke option and reinstall windows......and I forgot to back up the drivers for the network. So I was frantically trying to find the disc for them, turns out they were the wrong ones and I just....mentally snapped as i started ranting for an hour or so about everything and couple with the depression i get around this time of year i felt like everything i do was hopeless. thankfully things are better today but damn. I do not want to feel like I'm going to have a heart attack by the end of the day.
Thanks for the cats! Thankfully the night was fine, for some reason the beds next to mine were empty, so phew.I've been in a similar spot lately. Constantly frustrated and upset with myself. It's why I've been posting less often again.
So while I sadly don't have any advice to give I can offer the hope that things will get better and hopefully for the both of us.
Can offer another cute cat gif too at least.
That sounds like such a great time! I wish we had one around here. If it wasn't for the fact I live in the middle of nowhere I could practically start my own with all of the cats that hang around outside.Speaking of cats, I think I will visit the cat cafe next time I get money!
Hold on, it will get better. If you "get out", none of the good that is possible will ever actually come to be. I know it may seem hopeless but you never know what tomorrow will bring. Just don't go, hopelessness is a fleeting thing, we are terrible at making that kind of judgment.I've come to realize the other day that I dont fear death anymore. I'm not suicidal, just sort of ready to go. I'm having trouble enjoying things. Work isn't bad but I just cant be bothered to be doing this crap for the next few decades. Im so sick of dealing with my moms health issues, and my friends bore the hell out of me. I cant spend the rest of my 20s playing board games in a basement. Fuck off. What comes after this? When can i find love? I'm done man. I'm tired. Look at me, whole house to myself, office job, and still complaining.
I want out
I know where you're coming from. I haven't feared death for a while now either. Which is a scary realization all it's own. Though where I differ a bit is that I do have suicidal thoughts quite often. Having seen what it can do to a family.. twice, is what brings me to my senses in the end. As much as I might despise how my life is going and often times despise myself I can't do that to the few that do still care about me.I've come to realize the other day that I dont fear death anymore. I'm not suicidal, just sort of ready to go. I'm having trouble enjoying things. Work isn't bad but I just cant be bothered to be doing this crap for the next few decades. Im so sick of dealing with my moms health issues, and my friends bore the hell out of me. I cant spend the rest of my 20s playing board games in a basement. Fuck off. What comes after this? When can i find love? I'm done man. I'm tired. Look at me, whole house to myself, office job, and still complaining.
I want out
You're a saint. I'll be alright, friend.Hold on, it will get better. If you "get out", none of the good that is possible will ever actually come to be. I know it may seem hopeless but you never know what tomorrow will bring. Just don't go, hopelessness is a fleeting thing, we are terrible at making that kind of judgment.
Just hold on, please. Try to see what little things you can try to get out of this position, or at least to give yourself hope, to open a door to something better.
Thanks and I'm sorry for misunderstanding then. I agree, from a personal standpoint passion is one of those things that really makes enduring it all worth it.You're a saint. I'll be alright, friend.
I'm not suicidal, just sort of indifferent to the monotony. I really need to find some passion in life. Check my last post in this thread, I'm doing well overall.
When I was 6 years old, my grandfather told me, "When I die, just throw me in the trash can." I cant help but look back and smile whenever I think of that. He passed at 74. I'll be okay, and I'm sure you will too. You strike me as good people, we both post on the same forums and Discords after all.I know where you're coming from. I haven't feared death for a while now either. Which is a scary realization all it's own. Though where I differ a bit is that I do have suicidal thoughts quite often. Having seen what it can do to a family.. twice, is what brings me to my senses in the end. As much as I might despise how my life is going and often times despise myself I can't do that to the few that do still care about me.
No matter how often my brain tries to convince me that they and everyone else would be better off without me I know that at least in the case of one person that it's not true. I still have at least some to offer them when they need it. And while it's going to sound incredibly egotistical.. I do hope that I'm able to at least make even the tiniest bit of difference here when I can offer support. I'm not exactly a fount of knowledge or experience but I do want to do my best to try to help.
So as Swenhir said, hang in there, stick things out. It's never easy to break out of rut. I'm still very much stuck in the one I've made for myself, but even making a couple minor changes here or there can make a world of difference for some folks. And I know that's easier said than done and not necessarily possible for everyone and in that case I can at least say that we're all here to listen and offer what support we can.
The trick I've realized is ya gotta be willing to play with dynamite. I.e. throw a stone into the lake and nobody notices, but throw some dynamite in there and you'll make a difference. Only problem for me is this blows up in my face more often than not. I'm like Daffy Duck or something. Still, shaking things up is the only way I've ever been able to make moves in life.I will delete my post later but just letting you know, you're not alone.
Can't really offer any encouraging words since I've done my fair share of "hanging on" and nothing comes, and I don't think ever will. My fault? Maybe, wish I knew how to do better.
That's something that I'm still trying to remind myself of too, that chances are it's not me but something else entirely unrelated. Still hurts for a while after being ignored though.Some might remember that girl i wrote about in the steamthread some days ago, anyways, i had written her.
Told her that she seems cool, that i love Danganronpa as well and that i'd love to get to know her some more.
Unfortunately, she hadn't replied, which made me a little depressed tbh because i immediately start thinking i suck and it's my fault when i'm being ignored like that.
Anyways, i noticed her twitter account and saw that she was apparently going through something rough right now, so that lifted my spirits again (Not in the sense that i enjoy her suffering!!! but in the sense that it's probably not because of who i am that she didn't reply).
So i wrote her a second message saying that i noticed and that i'm wishing her all the best and hope she pulls through, to which she then actually replied with a "thanks, that's very Kind of you".
That might sound weird, but that was quite meaningful to me.
I wrote her that I'd be there if she needed someone to talk to, and if she doesn't i won't disturb her any further.
Hope she feels better soon and remembers me when she does.
It's legit HELLA embarassing to say, but after having seen her twitter i totes crushed on her like i'm 14 LOL.
Which is good in its own right i suppose, because i haven't felt like that in AGES.
Altho i do feel selfish hoping that she'll remember me when she is having a hard time right now <.<